FHMA Day 42: Strip Tease

QUICK FACTS

 

• Where We Started: Las Vegas, Nev.
• Where We Ended: Anaheim, Calif.
• Miles Driven: 346 (10,189 total).
• New States: California.
• States So Far: 19 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

Sometimes in life, your brain writes checks your body can't cash. That's what happened on Thursday, as our original plans to visit Red Rock Canyon and Death Valley National Park on our way from Las Vegas to Los Angeles fell victim to the collective fatigue of the merry FHMA band. Instead, we slept in, took advantage of the amenities of the Four Seasons and explored the Las Vegas Strip before making a leisurely drive to Los Angeles.

While our new schedule -- which has our days beginning much earlier -- has been a success on the sightseeing front, I tried to pack too much into Wednesday. As a result, no one had the stomach for a crazy day Thursday. So we all slept late. Then, instead of starting the blog, I goofed off with other e-mail and some trip planning. By the time I started writing, the Four Seasons' wireless connection started crapping out. This led to a delayed posting on Thursday, and lots of laying around time at the Four Seasons.

Hank hangs out on the hotel-provided dog bed where he slept.

Fred chills out on his favorite chair at the Four Seasons while he waits patiently for Jim to get off his ass and blog.

After determining I wasn't going to finish the daily blog post before we got kicked out of the hotel, we checked out and hit the Strip. Now, the Strip is not a great place for dogs -- or, more accurately, not great for the people who have to walk the dogs. There's lots to smell, and all sorts of people -- some crazy, some inebriated -- who want to stop and play with dogs. The Strip is also mostly concrete, and the frequent pedestrian overpasses are difficult for dogs who had never been on an escalator. Or at least not until Thursday.

Fred takes his first escalator ride during our walk down the Las Vegas Strip on Thursday. Off-camera, Hank did the same.

Neither seemed interested in repeating this historic feat. (Photo by Jim)

Our stroll down the Strip lasted only 45 minutes, as the dogs exhausted themselves by scampering all over place and exhausted us by trying to track every smell they encountered. But we did manage to get Fred and Hank to stand still briefly in front of the Luxor.

The roller coaster at the New York New York casino roars past. (Photo by Jim)

We then hit Las Vegas by car, as the dogs slept off their walk. In addition to hitting The Strip, we checked out some of the older casino areas and also past The Fremont Street Experience. While most of our trips to Vegas have focused on the Strip, I find the older casinos fascinating.

The old-school marquee at The Riviera, on Paradise Street in Las Vegas. Note the "Comedy & Hypnosis Show." A far cry from Frank and Sammy. Heck, that's a far cry from Wayne Newton.

Moving to the car allowed us to spot interesting people -- of which there's no shortage in Vegas -- at a faster pace than on foot, and Joan took full advantage of the situation.

 

From there, we hit the highway. We made one lengthy stop in the casino border town of Primm, Nev., where Joan took over the driving so I could finish Thursday's blog post, and where she packed a bag for my trip to Texas and New York. Once we arrived in Los Angeles, we headed straight for LAX, where I caught a red-eye to Texas. Thus begins a two-day hiatus for Fred & Hank Mark America. We'll be back on Monday.

ROAD SCRAPS

• Yes, you read right. Joan drove most of the four-hour journey from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. This marks the first time on the FHMA tour that Joan has driven for a period of more than an hour. And you know what, I kind of enjoyed it.
  
• While Joan was behind the wheel, our journey crossed the 10,000-mile mark on a non-descript portion of Interstate 15 near Barstow, Calif.
  
• I tend to make it to Las Vegas about once a year on average, so while here, I performed my annual money sacrifice by putting down $50 on the New York Jets to win the Super Bowl. The odds were a not-bad 18-to-1. I expect to see no money. But tradition is tradition.
  
• In Baker, Calif., we passed a sign for Zzyzx Road. There's also a town named Zzyzx, and not surprisingly, it would be the last town listed if every town in the United States was listed alphabetically. Ironically, there was an independent film made a few years back called Zzyzx Rd., starring Katherine Heigl. It made news because of its total gross: $30. Here's an Entertainment Weekly story on the film.
  
• Sign of the Day:

The sign itself isn't the issue, it's just that, of the four bolts that are holding this sign to the back of the cab, one is in the middle right of Louie's forehead, and another in right where his nose should be. It looked ridiculous.

MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "Love Is a Long Road," by Tom Petty." We've already discussed Petty a lot on this blog, and this is a solid-but-not-great song of his, in my opinion.
• Most-Played Albums: We didn't play any music while we cruised up and down the Las Vegas Strip. That's a place where natural sound is far more interesting than anything we could have played off my iPod. Once we got started toward Los Angeles, we went for The Ramones, specifically their amazing debut album -- did anyone ever make a better first song than "Blitzkrieg Bop"? -- and "Rocket to Russia." When Joan took over the driving, however, the music was hers to choose, and she chose -- gulp -- one of our XM country music stations. Yes, it's time for me to admit the shameful secret: Joan likes country music. I was pretty sure I had programmed the car to turn off automatically any time country music was played, but apparently not.

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: The Four Seasons Hotel, Las Vegas, Nev.: We got room service, and my food was excellent. I got the chilled seafood platter and a bowl of chicken soup, and while I partially spoiled the meal by getting pita chips and hummus, it wasn't too bad a meal. Joan had a far different experience: She got a salad. And then she felt sick for a while. In any system, food poisoning costs you a lot. Jim Nutrition Rating: 3 stars (out of 5).  Restaurant Rating: 2 stars (out of 5).
• Dinner: In-N-Out Burger, Hesperia, Calif.: Our first trip to this excellent West Coast hamburger chain was satisfying as always. In-N-Out was a standby of the 2003 trip, but in all honesty, it has since been surpassed in our eyes by Five Guys Burgers & Fries. In our quest for death by hamburger, we once -- on the same day -- had In-N-Out Burger in L.A. for an early lunch, and Five Guys for a late dinner in Virginia. The verdict: We both preferred Five Guys. But that doesn't mean we don't like In-N-Out Burger, so all you West Coasters don't need to get too riled up -- I'm looking at you, Kovac. Jim Nutrition Rating: 1 star (out of 5). A double burger and fries. Game over. Restaurant Rating: 3.5 stars (out of 5).

HOTEL REPORT

• Quality Inn Maingate, Anaheim, Calif.: The hotel was perfectly fine, reports Joan, but they gave her a second-floor room, which is a bear when you have two dogs and a lot of little bags. Nothing special, but no real issues. Hotel rating: 3 stars (out of 5).

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From my mother, who doesn't seem to appreciate the appearance of any risk whatsoever in FHMA:

• A couple of things: 1. For your next trip: http://automobiles.honda.com/element/dog-accessories.aspx. 2. I really think you should send your mother a special edition of FHMA, omitting stories/pictures of you guys at the edge of cliffs during wild winds, driving through dust storms, driving along the edge of mountains, 105 mph drives, dealing with wild dogs, etcetera, etcetera

OK, here's my first Mom Special Edition of FHMA:

Dear Mom,
We spent today in Las Vegas. Boy, it's a scummy city. Instead of walking The Strip, we just decided it'd be better to stay in and catch up on our Chaucer. But all that clanging and ringing from the casino downstairs was distracting, so we decided to leave the Four Seasons and find a nice bed and breakfast where we could hear the wind lap lightly at the grass while we talked about our feelings. It took us a while to get to the B&B, though, since we had to take side roads because of those crazy Las Vegas drivers. At lunch, Joan and I split the spinach quiche, and we quaffed some chai lattes. We then decided to hit the local park to give Fred and Hank a walk, but the wind kicked up a dust storm, so Joan and I immediately returned to the car, checked our water supply and huddled under a blanket in the back seat until the storm passed. Everything was going well, but Joan and I got in a fight on the way back to the hotel because I gunned the car up to 45mph, and the speed limit was only 40mph. The whole thing made me feel so bad, that I just had to vent, so Mom, I have to admit, when I got back to the hotel, I pulled the tag off the mattress. I'm ashamed.
Love, Jim

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Today: Jim's in Austin, Tex., and Joan is in L.A., as FHMA starts two-day hiatus.
• Tomorrow: The second day of our two-day hiatus.
• The Day After Tomorrow: Jim returns to L.A.; FHMA hits the gas pedal again.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTO

Hank and Fred, already exhausted from what was actually a pretty short walk to that point, pose in front of the New York New York and MGM Grand casinos on the Las Vegas Strip.

Comments

[Elliott Gordon]

Jim, you have to admit, In-N-Out is far better than The Varisty in Atlanta. And I hope you went Monster-style -- that would be worth at least a half a star downward for the nutrition rating ...

[Rebecca]

I bet Hank Jonah, sitting in the scarey animal shelter, never thought he'd be so lucky to get to travel the whole country!! this is wonderful that he and Fred get to do this with you both! what an experience!

[Tamara & John and their beagles, Abbey & Elvis, from Michigan]

Okay, a couple of things.

I usually have quite a chuckle reading your daily blog. But this time, I all and out laughed...at your Mom-safe version of the blog. The thing is, I am sitting in a coffee shop across from the Lansing Lugnuts (AAA team for the Jays) stadium and everyone's looking at me strangely. But do I care? No!

Other thing that I laughed at? Hank's photo in front of the Luxor!

Those two dogs of yours live the life of Riley. Mine want to leave us and join you guys. Elvis and Abbey say if you can handle two beagles, you can certainly handle two more.

[Maggi Gottsegen Helmkampf]

You are fresh to your mother, Jim Brady.

[Amy]

You anticipated my exact thoughts! I was just about to head directly to the comments area after reading the bit about the Five Guys vs. In-N-Out throwdown, and then I caught my name out of the corner of my eye as I scrolled down. So thanks for the shoutout, but I will have to respectfully disagree and crown In-N-Out the best of all burgers (and fries and shakes!). (Why Five Guys doesn't serve milkshakes, I will never understand.)

I do have to say that I smiled with much delight as I was reading about your sojourn from Nevada into California. Even the mention of the 15 made me nostalgic, and it's just a huge, impersonal interstate. :-)

While you're in LA, you've got to check out some of the taco places on this site: http://tacohunt.blogspot.com/. And you'll have to be more specific about your next steps in Cali, so I can be sure to give you more suggestions of places you should go. Oh, and did I mention that you need to visit to Sequoia?

Here's a big wet kiss to my home state! I hope (and trust) it will treat you well.

[Joan]

Hey, I think I dated that guy in the black trench! ;)

[Sarah Lumbard]

Dogs on escalator for the first (and only) time. Nearly spit out my coffee laughing.