Fred & Hank Mark America

FHMA Day 67: And the Band Goes Arching On...

QUICK FACTS

 

• Where We Started: Columbia, Mo.
• Where We Ended: Springfield, Ill.
• Miles Driven: 331 (17,107 total).
• New States: Illinois.
• States So Far: 31 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Illinois)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

The FHMA crew woke up Monday feeling a rare bit of time pressure. Before we make our final four-day barnstorming tour of the northeast, we need to stop at home Friday because I have a meeting. Because of our goal to do something in each of the 48 contiguous states before May 19, that means we still have to zig-zag to cover most of the Midwestern states, and still handle the 948 miles between Columbia and Great Falls. In the end, we made it a bit farther than scheduled on Monday, but clearly still have three long days ahead of us.

Our first stop of the day was the Winston Churchill Memorial & Library in Fulton, Mo. Why would a library honoring the former British prime minister be located in Fulton, Mo., you ask? That is where Churchill delivered his famous speech on March 5, 1946, at the town's Westminster College. In this speech, Churchill popularized the term "iron curtain" to describe the Soviet Union's control over Eastern Europe. The speech, criticized by many at first -- since the Soviets were still considered allies at that point -- is now regarded by many as a prescient. Then again, Churchill always did seem to have problems convincing people he was right.

Fred poses in front of the Winston Churchill statue in Fulton, Mo.

Ich bin ein Beagle. Hank and Fred pose in front of a portion of the Berlin Wall at the Winston Churchill Library in Fulton, Mo. For the record, Joan did not want me to use this picture, but I wanted it just for the Ich bin ein reference. Was it worth it?

From Fulton, we headed to the St. Louis area. We met a friend of mine from high school, Maggi Gottsegen Helmkampf, for lunch in Creve Coeur. She was nice enough to bring a gift toy for each dog. We got one stuffed hamburger toy and one stuffed hot dog toy. After lunch, we got in the car, gave them the toys and -- as dogs are wont to do -- they decided they both wanted the hamburger. A brief brawl ensued in the back seat that ended up with Hank standing on top of Fred, who was on his back. After we separated them, Fred moped for a while, but it didn't last long (and we didn't get any pictures this time). After an hour, the dogs were back in each other's good graces. We both believe Hank was the instigator again this time. He looks so cute...

The next stop was the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial, which commemorates St. Louis's role in our country's westward expansion. The memorial's most famous feature is the Gateway Arch -- or, as some call it, the Gateway to the West. Completed in 1965, it's a striking monument, and in places, beautifully frames the city's skyline. The broader memorial site also incorporates the old courthouse where the local trials were held in the Dred Scott case in 1847, and the Museum of Westward Expansion, which sits underneath the Arch. It was a beautiful day in St. Louis, and it was a field day on the photography front.

Fred beneath the Gateway Arch. Despite the half-halo, Fred was not an angel on this day.

Hank stares to the west in honor of the Gateway Arch, while Fred puts both his best chins forward.

The reflective Gateway Arch, from a lake on the grounds of the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial in St. Louis. (Photo by Jim)

The Gateway Arch stretches into the St. Louis sky. (Photo by Jim)

Three small girls pose for a photo at the top of the steps leading to the Gateway Arch. An odd optical illusion: While it appears the girls are looking at the flag, the flag is actually flying off the top of a skyscraper many blocks away. (Photo by Jim)

Two men hang out atop the steps that lead to the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. (Photo by Jim)

We were supposed to have dinner in St. Louis with a friend of Joan's from high school, but that fell through because of some unavoidable conflicts, so after we left the Gateway Arch, we left St. Louis. We tried to get a view of the confluence of the United States' two longest rivers, the Missouri and the Mississippi, which occurs a few miles north of St. Louis. But the clumsily named Edward "Ted" and Pat Jones Confluence Point State Park was closed because of flooding, and the Lewis & Clark State Historic Site had just closed for the day and put up gates that blocked us from the water. Moving up the Illinois coast a bit, we finally were able to get a shot of the confluence from Grafton, Ill., a nice little resort town that is unfortunately dealing with some flooding issues right now.

The confluence of the Missouri (left) and Mississippi (right), as seen from a flooded beach in Grafton, Ill. Although the Missouri is a tributary of the Mississippi, it's actually the longer of the two rivers. The Missouri is 2,540 miles; the Mississippi 2,320 miles.

After hugging the Great River Road for another 20 miles or so, we decided it was time to head to Springfield for food and rest. We were ahead of our planned stop of St. Louis, but still had some long driving days ahead of us.

ROAD SCRAPS

• A number of you sent e-mails or made comments on the blog suggesting that we screwed up in Omaha when we opted for a fish place over a steak place. Let me be clear: You were all absolutely right. I have no idea what we were thinking. We were tired, and also still running on the fumes of what had been a great Roadfood lunch in Sioux Falls, S.D., so maybe we felt like we were on a Roadfood roll. But, clearly, we were not thinking. We should have gone for a great Omaha steak.
• Springfield's airport is called Abraham Lincoln Capital Airport. Look, I admire Lincoln as much as anyone, but does it seem right to name an airport after someone who died 40 years before we even had airplanes? Charlottesville didn't name its airport after Thomas Jefferson. Philly didn't name its airport after Benjamin Franklin. Let's be honest: If you go to Springfield, its Lincoln connection doesn't go unmentioned for a single block. Did they really need to name the airport after him too? Yes, it is true that there's also an aircraft carrier named the USS Abraham Lincoln. But while there may not have been aircraft carriers in Lincoln's day -- you know, since there were no aircraft -- at least there were ships of some kind, so naming a ship after him seems OK. But I found the airport thing odd. I can just imagine the scene in heaven when Lincoln was told his hometown had named an airport after him. "Hey, that's great! ... What the hell is an airport?"
• While we were on our way to Springfield, we got behind a slow-moving car with an interesting license plate: I LUV DW 1. Now, I knew the driver of this car was probably proclaiming his love for something or someone with the initials DW, but something about that license plate struck me as odd. Finally, I realized I was reading it as I LUV DWI. Since I'm relatively sure it would be a bad strategy to proclaim a love for drunken driving on a personalized license plate, I never actually thought that's what it said, but some subliminal part of my brain was reading it that way, so maybe a cop's would as well. Anyway, we finally passed this car, and the guy driving was a bazillion years old, so drinking while driving was probably the least of his problems.
• Joan did her second face plant of the trip while leaving the hotel in Columbia, Mo., on Monday. The first fall occurred in Boise, when the dogs pulled Joan down part of a flight of stairs at our hotel. No significant injuries were incurred on that fall, besides those to Joan's pride. This tumble -- which occurred as we were walking out to pack the car -- was the result of Joan trying to handle both dogs and carry a few bags as well. (Note: I was carrying a bunch of bags myself; I was not using her as a pack horse). Monday's fall resulted in a nice, fat bruise on the knee that limited her mobility for the rest of the day. But Joan played hurt, trouper that she is. The sad part: I didn't see either face plant. Now, before you think I'm being mean, Joan has a natural tendency to laugh at me when I injure myself. I once slammed my finger in the door of our bathroom on a cruise ship, and she laughed so hard, she cried. Which was good, since I was already crying because of the intense pain.
• A five-mile stretch of Interstate 70 in St. Louis is officially named Mark McGwire Highway, which is especially appropriate since the former St. Louis Cardinals baseball star hit 70 home runs the season he broke the all-time record. But his alleged involvement with steroids has led some Missouri congressmen to push to have his name removed, and replaced with the road's previous name, the Mark Twain Highway. This would have the added benefit of meaning only half the sign would need to be redone. (And, yes, Mark Twain was still alive when cars were invented).
• On our short ride up the Great River Road, one of the towns we passed through was Carrollton, Ill., which is the birthplace of Marion Ravenwood, i.e. actress Karen Allen in the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" series.

MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "Bittersweet Symphony," by The Verve. I loved this song the first time I heard it -- a rarity for me; songs usually have to grow on me -- thanks to the interesting mix of an orchestral and rock arrangement. What I didn't know was about the legal battle that the song created between The Verve and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, since this song uses a sample from the Rolling Stones song, "The Last Time." The ensuing court battle went Mick and Keith's way, which some believe led to the eventual breakup of The Verve, since the band couldn't capitalize financially from what was -- and still is -- its best-known song.
• Here's the Day 9 report on our A-to-Z iPod Exploration:
  
  • First Song of the Day: "Calvera's Return," by Elmer Bernstein (from "The Magnificent Seven."
    Last Song of the Day: "Carolina on My Mind," by James Taylor.
  • Best Songs: "The Camera Eye," by Rush; "Can't Help Falling in Love With You," by Elvis Presley; "Can't Stand Losing You'," by The Police; "Can't You Hear Me Knockin'," by The Rolling Stones; "Canon," by Pachelbel (By the way, is there such a thing as a one-hit wonder in classical music? Was Pachelbel the Hues Corporation of his time?); "Capriccio Italien, Op. 45," by Tchaikovsky; "Carnival," by Natalie Merchant.
  • Pleasant Surprises: "Calypsico," by the Zydeco All-Stars; "Careful With That Ax, Eugene," by Pink Floyd.
  • Guilty Pleasures: "Can't Fight This Feeling," by REO Speedwagon; "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You," by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons; "Car Wash," by Rose Royce.
  • Bad Songs by Good Artists: "Can't Live Without You," by The Scorpions.
  • Great Rediscoveries: "Can't Stop Loving You," by Van Halen; "Captain Jack," by Billy Joel; "Career Opportunities," by The Clash; "Carmen," by Paula Cole.

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: Brio Tuscan Grille, Creve Coeur, Mo.: We had a blast hanging out with Maggi, who in addition to bringing the aforementioned dog toys, helped arrange it so that Fred and Hank could be tied up near us on the outside porch. The food at this chain restaurant -- Joan's been to the one in Tysons Corner, though I haven't -- was very good. I had a personal pizza and Joan had eggplant pomodoro, and all three of us split the calamari. Jim Nutrition Rating: 2 stars (out of 5). Not one of my worst meals, which is faint praise indeed. Restaurant Rating: 3.5 stars (out of 5).
• Dinner: Red Lobster, Springfield, Ill.: I had not been to a Red Lobster in about a decade, but we were left with no choice after finding out that Springfield apparently closes at 8pm. After arriving in town around 8:15pm, our first attempted stop was the famous Cozy Dog Drive In, which isn't a drive in and claims to have been the first restaurant to put corn dogs on a stick. It had closed at 8pm. I checked out all our food books, and found nothing. Desperate, I tried one of our general travel books, and it recommended a place called Brewhaus. We arrived at about 8:30pm, and discovered that, while open for drinks, it had stopped serving food at 8pm. Yes, 8pm. The bartender there told us that the only place still open in town that was serving food was a nearby Bennigan's. Yes, at 8:30pm, we were down to one place in the capital city of Illinois to eat. No wonder Lincoln was so thin. I guess he wasn't a Bennigan's fan. Instead of going to the only restaurant still open downtown, we figured we'd get on the interstate and find a chain place, and when I saw Red Lobster, I figured what the hell. Of course, I didn't eat all that well anyway, with a bowl of New England clam chowder and pasta with lobster and shrimp. Joan had a side salad, and a bowl of clam chowder. It was solid, and nothing more, but considering how hard it was to find a place, we were happy just to eat. Jim Nutrition Rating: 2 stars (out of 5). Restaurant Rating: 2.5 stars (out of 5).

HOTEL REPORT

• Baymont Inn & Suites, Springfield, Ill.: Our run of good Baymonts continued, as we had another happily consistent experience. We had a big room and a comfortable bed, and we barely heard a sound all night long. The wireless connection was also excellent. Baymont was one of the real discoveries for us on this trip. Predictability is important when you're on the road this long, and Baymont has been more dependable than Quality Inns, Best Westerns and La Quinta Inns. Don't get me wrong, these are not Westins or Ritz-Carltons, but for a high-end budget motel, Baymonts are quite good. Hotel rating: 4 stars (out of 5).
• There was one oddity to this Baymont experience, however. We got an upgrade because our room was not ready when we arrived, which was odd since it was 10pm, but whatever. The upgrade was the presence of a Jacuzzi in the room. And I mean "in the room." It wasn't in the bathroom; it was right out in the open, right next to the TV and the desk. It was surrounded by mirrors, including one on the ceiling. I don't think I need to say any more.

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From Scott Lunt, who makes an estimate on how long I'd have to stay on the road to hear all 8,932 songs on my iPod:

• I noticed that you're still in the "B" songs after your switch to an alphabetical play-off. TIP: it looks like if you plan to end your trip at noon on Sep. 15 2009, you'll roll in to your driveway while playing "Ziggy Stardust." Calculation: You've been averaging a rate of 5.5 days per letter-of-the-alphabet (starting April 30), while leaves 24 letters. Assuming you start on "C" tomorrow, and subtracting the negligible "X" song titles (leaving 23 letters), multiply 23 by 5.5, resulting in 126.5 days -- halfway through Sep. 15.

For the record, we're up to about song 1,200, so we're about 13.5 percent done. And the last song alphabetically on my iPod is not "Ziggy Stardust," but "Zoo Station," a really bad U2 song. So this long experiment will end on a bad note, literally.

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Thursday: Home, through Ohio, Pennsylvania and West Virginia.
• Friday: A day of rest at home before FHMA's final, four-day Northeast blitz.
• Saturday: Back on the road, and up into Pennsylvania.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTOS

Fred and Hank hang out under the Gateway Arch in St. Louis.

FHMA Day 66: Plains, Rains & an Automobile

QUICK FACTS

 

• Where We Started: Omaha, Neb.
• Where We Ended: Columbia, Mo.
• Miles Driven: 386 (16,776 total).
• New States: Kansas.
• States So Far: 30 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

Gerald Ford. Malcolm X. Amelia Earhart. Three people who have almost nothing in common. Almost. On Sunday, we discovered what is likely the only connection: Each was born alongside the Missouri River in the Great Plains. Once the crack FHMA research team figured that out, we went to see where the Black Muslim leader, the 38th President of the United States and the famed aviator got their starts, all the while battling the intermittent rain to which we've now become accustomed.

We started with Malcolm X, born in Omaha as Malcolm Little in 1925. I wasn't sure what kind of marker -- if any -- would be at the site, since Malcolm X was a tad controversial. His birthplace is in a rundown part of town, and the house where he was born has long since been demolished. At the site, there is a plaque in a grassy field. Unfortunately, we couldn't see it, as it was closed and inaccessible behind a fence that surrounded the property. A sign on site said you can only see the monument by appointment. The birthplace property is not owned by the city, state or federal government. It's owned by the Malcolm X Foundation, which is in the midst of trying to turn the site into a park. On the group's Web site, you can see some photos -- like this one -- that get you closer to the actual monument than we could get. Oh well, maybe we can hit it when we do "Fred & Hank Mark America II: Doggin' It."

The closest we could get to Malcolm X's birthplace in Omaha, Neb.

From the Malcolm X site, we headed to southwest Omaha, where Gerald Ford was born in 1913. This was then the home of Ford's paternal grandparents, with whom his parents were then living. Ford obviously made his mark in Michigan, and he's one of many presidents not actually born in the state where they achieved their greatest fame. Lincoln was born in Kentucky, Reagan in Illinois, George W. Bush in Connecticut, Eisenhower in Texas, Wilson in Virginia and Obama in Hawaii. As with Malcolm X, the house where Ford was born is long gone. But Omaha has turned the site into the Ford Birthsite & Gardens, which has a plaque commemorating Ford's birth. This one we were able to get close to.

The marker commemorating Gerald Ford's birth. Now, someone correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't think the Ford quote from above was made during his inaugural address, because presidents who take office because of the death or resignation of a president don't make inaugural addresses (unless, like LBJ, they're eventually elected). The quote above was from Ford's first address to the nation, I believe. (Photo by Jim)

After lunch, It was off to conquer Kansas. Now, we're on a tight schedule to get home, and the quest to hit all 48 continental states means we're not in some of them for long. Kansas was one of those states. The good news is that a place we both truly wanted to go see -- the Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum, in Atchison, Kan. -- is about 100 yards from the Missouri border. The story of Earhart -- and the mystery surrounding her disappearance -- have always fascinated us, so this was a cool visit. We only made it there about 10 minutes before the museum closed, but the woman there was nice enough to let us take a quick spin through. At the time of Earhart's birth, the house was that of her maternal grandfather. She lived in Atchison until she was 12, when she moved to Des Moines, Iowa to rejoin her parents. The museum had some cool Earhart relics and a lot of information about the theories about her disappearance.

A colorful Joan with a life-size Amelia Earhart cutout. (Photo by Jim)

The Earhart Birthplace Museum is on a street that has a nice overlook of the Missouri River, so we took the dogs on a short walk.

Hank and Fred ponder the Earhart mystery -- and treats -- while outside the Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum in Atchison, Kan.

Another view of Fred and Hank huddling for warmth. (Photo by Jim)

The Amelia Earhart Bridge crosses the Missouri River, in Atchison, Kan. (Photo by Jim)

After visiting the Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum and taking photos of the Amelia Earhart Bridge, we hopped on the Amelia Earhart Highway and disappeared from Atchison, heading south. Taking the scenic route along the river, we soon did some time in Leavenworth, passing through the town that "hosts" many visitors at the United States Penitentiary, Leavenworth and Fort Leavenworth, a military prison. Among the penitentiary's famous former residents: Bugs Moran, Jimmy Burke (the gangster who Robert DeNiro's character in "Goodfellas" was based on), George "Machine Gun" Kelly and Leonard Peltier. The Bureau of Prisons changed Leavenworth's custody level from "High/Maximum" to "Medium" in 2005, so it no longer hosts America's worst. Leavenworth's most famous current guest is noted dog lover Michael Vick, who will serve another nine days there before moving to home confinement. Fred and Hank booed as we drove past.

The front of the U.S. penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kan.

Shortly after our release from Leavenworth, we crossed into Missouri, had dinner in Kansas City and made it to Columbia, Mo. before we decided to put down for the night.

ROAD SCRAPS

• Two readers pointed out my incorrect identification of some animals in our Badlands National Park post. What I identified in that post as mountain goats are apparently bighorn sheep. I seem to be better at identifying animals I've run over than ones I see alive.
• Sign of the Day: On I-70 in Missouri: "Blue Springs, Mo.: Home of David Cook, American Idol 2008." Now, I may be a cynic here, since I have never watched an episode of "American Idol" in my life, but does this really warrant its own sign? Twenty bucks says that sign is gone in two years. I checked to see if there was anyone else famous from Blue Springs who might be upset that their contributions had been ignored in favor of a reality-show winner, but alas, the best I could find were a couple of professional athletes, including current Washington Redskins running back Ladell Betts.
• Another hotel negotiation classic. From the start, the guy at the La Quinta Inn & Suites in Springfield, Mo. was a pushover. Any time Joan pushed, he caved. Finally, she got him down to $59, but she wasn't giving in yet. "Is that your best rate?" she asked. Let's be honest: This question is a fishing expedition that usually nets nothing, but Joan always asks, just in case. His response: "Actually, no." He then tells her about a special $49 rate. At this point, even Joan was satisfied that she'd taken enough advantage of the poor guy. Especially since that $49 was for a king suite.
• Because we were in a rush to see the place where Amelia Earhart was born, we had to skip the place where Jesse James died. The Jesse James Home in St. Joseph, Mo., is where the famous outlaw was shot in the back of the head by Robert Ford, as chronicled in the brutally boring film "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford," which was only slightly shorter than Jesse James' life, and a lot less interesting.

MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "I'll Come Running," by Brian Eno. Off of Eno's "Another Green World," this song is typical Eno: a tad offbeat and experimental. This particular tune doesn't do anything for me, but if you're interested in Eno's work as an artist and not just as a producer, download the album "Here Come the Warm Jets." The title song is an Eno classic. "Music for Films" is also excellent.
• Here's the Day 8 report on our A-to-Z iPod Exploration:
  
  • First Song of the Day: "Bummer," by Harry Chapin.
    Last Song of the Day: "Calling It Quits," by Aimee Mann.
  • Best Songs: "Burnin' for You," by Blue Oyster Cult; "The Bus Stop," by BT; "California Dreamin'," by The Mamas & The Papas; "California Sun," by The Ramones; "Calling All Angels," by Train.
  • Pleasant Surprises: "By Starlight," by Smashing Pumpkins; "Caged Bird," by RJD2; "The Call of Ktulu," by Metallica.
  • Guilty Pleasures: "Burning Love," by Elvis Presley.
  • Bad Songs by Good Artists: "Bye Bye Baby," by The Ramones; "Call Me the Breeze," by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
  • Great Rediscoveries: "Burning Down One Side," by Robert Plant.
• Alan Spoll asks a good question: Since I'm listening to songs in alphabetical order, how did "Simply the Best," by Tina Turner -- which I put in the "Bad Songs by Good Artists" category -- show up in the Bs. Turns out I listed the title of that song incorrectly. It's apparently called, rather inappropriately, "The Best." The album its on is called "Simply the Best." As for why I have any Tina on my iPod: Hey, what can I say? I do like a lot of her older stuff and have a soft spot for "Better Be Good to Me."

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: McDonald's, Bellevue, Neb.: We had real plans for lunch Sunday, but were snake-bit. Scanning tripadvisor.com, we found a highly-rated a place called La Casa Pizzaria, but when we drove past, we thought it was closed, since it was around 12:30pm on a Sunday and there wasn't a car in a lot. We started to drive away, then saw an employee sweeping the front walk. After a brief consultation, we decided the fact no one was there was a problem -- as was the fact they can't spell pizzeria -- so we left. Next up was Stella's Hamburgers in Bellevue, Neb., which is listed as producing one of the best 100 hamburgers in America. Not on this day, as it was closed. Frustrated and hungry, we fell prey to the looming golden arches. Jim Nutrition Rating: 0 stars (out of 5). I had a Double Quarter Pounder -- by the way, isn't that a Half Pounder? -- and fries. Restaurant Rating: 3.5 stars (out of 5). Consistent. Predictable. McDonald's at its best.
• Dinner: Stroud's Oak Ridge Manor, Kansas City, Mo.: This Kansas City standby was packed for Mother's Day, and that probably was part of the reason we ended up being slightly disappointed. This place has won so many honors, including the prestigious James Beard Award, that it's obviously excellent. So we probably just caught them on a chaotic night. Stroud's specialty is fried chicken, and we both found ours to be relatively tasteless, and the baked potato was just OK. The side of green beans was excellent, as was the cinnamon bread, but the positives of the sides could not overcome the weaknesses of the main course. It didn't help Joan's overall impression when she discovered someone had tossed their cookies in the ladies' bathroom. Jim Nutrition Rating: 0 stars (out of 5). The two fried chicken breasts alone would have qualified for 1, and that was before the baked potato loaded up with cheese. Restaurant Rating: 2.5 stars (out of 5).

HOTEL REPORT

• La Quinta Inn & Suites, Columbia, Mo.: As funny as it was that Joan got the guy at the hotel down to the ludicrous rate of $49 for a king suite, we were indeed a bit worried what we might encounter once we arrived, since "you get what you pay for" is normally one of the life's great truisms. This had just seemed too easy. But, upon our arrival, we were pleasantly surprised to find that the hotel had been completely renovated, and our room was excellent (and quiet, since hardly anyone else seemed to be staying there). Hotel rating: 4.5 stars (out of 5).

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From Rebecca Chanin, who notes my Freudian slip on the day Fred left a little gift -- some anal fluid -- on Joan's jeans:

• "The Internet connection did not work for me at all, and crapped out on Joan after a few minutes." Given the indignity she had to suffer during the car ride with Fred's um ... unfortunate secretion, perhaps you could have found a better way to describe Joan's experience with the unreliable Internet connection. Just sayin'.

Sorry, I was pooped when I wrote that.

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Tuesday: Springfield, Ill., and dinner in Chicago.
• Wednesday: The Ford Museum in Grand Rapids, Mich., and sites in Indiana and Ohio.
• Thursday: A ride home for a brief stop before hitting the Northeast.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTOS

Fred tells Hank a joke while at the Amelia Earhart Birthplace in Atchison, Kan. "What do you do to an elephant with three balls? ... Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe."  Hank's response to the joke: a yawn.

FHMA Day 65: Getting Siouxed

QUICK FACTS

 

• Where We Started: Sioux Falls, S.D.
• Where We Ended: Omaha, Neb.
• Miles Driven: 316 (16,390 total).
• New States: Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska.
• States So Far: 29 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

Our departure from the Badlands on Friday night officlally put an end to the FHMA tour's western exploits, and our return to the eastern half of the country brought with it a change in the rhythm of a typical day. While our days out west tended to focus on a single destination (Death Valley, Yellowstone, Yosemite, etc.), our days in the eastern half of the nation are usually made up of smaller stops in multiple places. Saturday was no different, as we hit sites in South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa and Nebraska, working our way down the Missouri River in the process.

Our first stop was at the USS South Dakota Battleship Memorial in Sioux Falls, S.D. The South Dakota was in action from 1942 until 1947, and earned 13 battle stars for World War II service. The state wanted to honor the heroic performance of this ship, but couldn't have the actual ship, since it was sold for scrap in 1962 (not to mention it would have been tough to get the ship to landlocked South Dakota). But part of the salvage sale terms were that the buyer had to return $2 million of equipment from the ship. Much of this equipment now sits inside a concrete outline of the main deck of the USS South Dakota in a park in Sioux Falls. It was a clever way to honor the ship without, well, the ship.

The USS South Dakota Battlefield Memorial in Sioux Falls, S.D. The bridge of the "ship" is also a gift shop.

Before departing Sioux Falls -- the first of four Sioux-named places we visited on Saturday; the others all coming in Iowa: Sioux City, Sioux Center and Little Sioux -- we decided to give Fred and Hank a run at a local off-leash dog park. Both dogs have been a little edgy of late, so we thought this would be a great stop. For Fred, it was. He wanted to run and play with Hank, but for the most part, Hank wasn't interested. Despite my best attempts to rile them up, I couldn't really get Hank going.

Hank half-heartedly chases Fred at Lien Park in Sioux Falls, S.D. That's the only reason Fred is ahead in the chase.

From Sioux Falls, we headed east on Interstate 90 and into Minnesota for the first of the barnstorming state tours necessary for us to hit every state before May 19. The rule of these stops are simple: You cannot count a state unless you get out of the car and do something there. In Minnesota, we headed to Blue Mounds State Park, north of Luverne, Minn. Featuring a Sioux quartzite cliff and hosting a bison herd, this park ended up not holding a ton of interest for us, since the quartzite is best viewed at sunset, and the bison herd decided to stay as far away from the road as possible. But we did manage get the beagles out of the car for some more exercise.

Hank and Fred hunker down on a picnic table at Blue Mounds State Park in Luverne, Minn. Not sure why they're both doing the hunchback thing.

The more interesting stop in Minnesota was the Blue Mound Wayside Chapel, which we encountered completely by accident on the way to the park. This church was so tiny, you couldn't miss it. Listed by many Web sites as one of the smallest churches in the United States (here's one of those sites), the church can hold six to eight congregants and a minister. The chapel was built in 1963 at a total cost of $450.

Fred and Hank hang pose in front of the Blue Mound Wayside Chapel. Fred is probably whispering to Hank, "How many more times are we going to have to pose for these people?" Thanks to local residents, there are pamphlets and free Gideon bibles available inside the chapel.

The next major stop was Sioux City, Iowa -- hometown of Fred "Gopher" Grandy of "Love Boat" and congressional fame, and birthplace of Jerry "Leave It to Beaver" Mathers. Our first stop there was Stone State Park, which has some pretty overlooks across the Missouri River and into the far southeastern corner of South Dakota.

The farms and fields of southeastern South Dakota, as seen from Stone State Park in Sioux City, Iowa. (Photo by Jim)

The other major stop in Sioux City was the Sergeant Floyd Monument, an obelisk set on the bluffs overlooking the Missouri River, which honors the only member of Lewis & Clark's expeditionary team to die on the trip. After dying of what most doctors and historians now believe was appendicitis, Charles Floyd buried in Sioux City.

The sun begins to set behind the Sergeant Floyd Memorial in Sioux City, Iowa. (Photo by Jim)

From there, the FHMA team set its sights on Omaha, where we planned to spend the night. We took the leisurely approach to get there, however, bypassing Interstate 29 and driving the scenic roads on both the Nebraska and Iowa sides of the Missouri.

A massive corral alongside the highway in Walthill, Neb. If only we had smell-o-rama for this shot. Oh. My. God. This was only a small part of this huge facility.

The sun and clouds battle for dominance near Decatur, Neb. (Photo by Jim)

The sun sets behind a farm sprinkler near Moorhead, Iowa.

Taking advantage of the late sunset time, we arrived in Omaha around 9pm, ate a quick dinner and crashed hard. Joan and I are both starting to wear down a bit from sleeping in a new bed every night. Not even Wilt Chamberlain saw this many different beds in such a short period of time.

ROAD SCRAPS

• My note the other day about the geographic center of the United States got me thinking about some of the other geographically-based places of note in the U.S. In addition to the geographic center of the United States (20 miles north of Belle Fourche, S.D.) and the geographic center of the 48 states (Lebanon, Kan.), there's also the geographic center of North America (Rugby, N.D.) and the population center of the United States (near Edgar Springs, Mo.), though the latter honoree changes every new census. Other interesting U.S. geographical facts:
  
  • Northernmost town: Barrow, Alaska
  • Westernmost town: Adak, Alaska
  • Southernmost town: Na'alehu, Hawaii
  • Easternmost town: Lubec, Maine
  • NOTE: If you limited these directional titles to the 48 states, the northernmost town would become Angle Township, Minnesota; the westernmost town would become Ozette, Washington; and the southernmost town would become Key West, Florida.
• On our drive on Saturday, we cruised through LeMars, Iowa, which proudly proclaims itself the "Ice Cream Capital of the World." Joan and I both felt this required more investigation, so we stopped. Turns out LeMars bases this claim on the fact that -- per its Web site -- "more ice cream is produced in Le Mars, Iowa, by a single company than in any other city in the world!" Obviously, the key words here are "a single company." There's obviously a city out there that makes more ice cream, but it's split up among multiple companies. In LeMars, the big dog is Wells Dairy, the maker of Blue Bunny Ice Cream. Assuming what the LeMars Web site says is true, I think this claim is probably OK. I have nothing against a town looking to market itself, as long as it doesn't just make stuff up. By the way, Joan and I decided that -- if this was what the town was all about -- then we owed it to ourselves to stop and sample the product. Oddly, we did not have this same instinct when cruising through Selma, Calif. (the "Raisin Capital of the World") or Gilroy, Calif. (the "Garlic Capital of the World"). Now, if only we'd encounter the "Funyuns Capital of the World." 
• As we were cruising down I-29, we saw a sign that said, "Modern Rest Stop: 12 Miles." Joan and I spent some time trying to figure out what would make a rest stop qualify as "modern." We figured toilets were pretty well-established at this stage, so that couldn't be it. Same with vending machines. What we never guessed was the rest stop, located in the Iowa town of Missouri Valley, would have Wi-Fi. Neither of us had ever seen a rest stop with Wi-Fi, and while we didn't stop to use it, I wished I'd seen this rest stop when I was fruitlessly trying to publish our blog from the car last week. Turns out most of the rest stops in Iowa are now equipped with Wi-Fi. You go, Iowa!
• Good news. I made it through a day without running over any cute animals (or animals of any kind, for that matter).

MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "The Tracker," by Peter Gabriel. This song is off an album called "The Long Walk Home," which features music from Gabriel's soundtrack for the film, "Rabbit-Proof Fence." It's a pretty interesting album, though if you happen to like Peter Gabriel and want to give his more atmospheric stuff a whirl, I'd first download his soundtrack work from the films "Birdy" or "The Last Temptation of Christ."
• Here's the Day 7 report on our A-to-Z iPod Exploration:
  
  • First Song of the Day: "Bound for Canaan," by Ry Cooder (from "Geronimo: An American Legend").
  • Last Song of the Day: "Bummed Out City," by Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros.
  • Best Songs: "The Boys of Summer," by Don Henley; "Brass in Pocket," by The Pretenders; "Brick," by Ben Folds Five; "Bridge Over Troubled Water," by Simon & Garfunkel; "Bright Side of the Road," by Van Morrison; "Bringin' on the Heartbreak," by Def Leppard; "Brown Eyed Girl," by Van Morrison; "Building Steam With a Grain of Salt," by DJ Shadow; "Bullet With Butterfly Wings," by Smashing Pumpkins.
  • Pleasant Surprises: "A Boy Named Sue," by Johnny Cash; "Broken Levee Blues," by DJ Shadow; "Buckaroo," by Duane Eddy.
  • Guilty Pleasures: "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)," by Looking Glass.
  • Bad Songs by Good Artists: "Brain of J.," by Pearl Jam; "Breed," by Nirvana; "Bring Back My Happiness," by Moby; "Bugs," by Pearl Jam.
  • Great Rediscoveries: "Break It Up," by Foreigner; "The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em)," by Greg Kihn.
  • Most Inappropriate Random Sequencing of Songs: "Brick," by Ben Folds Five, a somber song about an abortion, followed immediately by "Brick House," a not-very-deep song by the Commodores.

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: Bob's, Sioux Falls, S.D.: Sioux Falls has two Roadfood restaurants, and I finally chose to go to Bob's because the other place had recently undergone a management change, and that's always a bit dodgy. And, as the saying goes, sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. This place was a home run on all fronts. From the minute we walked into this 12-seat hole in the wall, you felt like you'd lived in Sioux Falls your whole life. The staff could not have been friendlier. They asked how we'd heard about them, and we told them via Roadfood. They then pulled out a notebook that out-of-towners have signed, and asked if we'd sign it. Oh, and the food was terrific. Chicken breast is a specialty of Bob's, so Joan got that with sides of cole slaw and baked beans. She loved it all, especially the cole slaw, which has a very sweet taste, thanks to a secret ingredient that the owner would not divulge. Joan tried her best booking-a-hotel-room persuasive techniques, guessing that the secret ingredient was marshmallow or Cool Whip, but the only response she got was "Those are common guesses." I did my usual artery damage with a Bob burger, featuring bacon and BBQ sauce. All told, this was one of the our best meal experiences of the trip. Jim Nutrition Rating: 1 stars (out of 5). What did you expect? Restaurant Rating: 5 stars (out of 5). A slam dunk.
• Dinner: Joe Tess Place, Omaha, Neb.: We were hoping to go 2-for-2 on Roadfood recommendations on Saturday, but this place let us down. It has a friendly, open dining room, and the service was lovely. But Joan's fisherman's chowder was unmemorable, and she was a tad irked that the salad she ordered only came with three fried shrimp. I had a good shrimp cocktail to start, but then ordered the house specialty -- carp -- and soon learned something new about myself: I don't like carp. Jim Nutrition Rating: 3.5 stars (out of 5). Grilled fish. Good! Shrimp cocktail. Good! French fries. Bad Jim! Restaurant Rating: 2.5 stars (out of 5).

HOTEL REPORT

• Ramada Omaha, Omaha, Neb.: Joan thought she was booking another Baymont in Omaha, since she'd gotten the listing for this hotel out of our Baymont book, plus the guy on the phone took our Baymont number. So imagine our surprise when we arrived to find it was a Ramada. Both Baymont and Ramada are owned by Wyndham, so it was no big deal, but we drove past th Ramada twice because we thought we were looking for a Baymont. Luckily, our room was huge, and the hotel seemed empty, so it was a quiet, relaxing stay. Bonus: Joan got some laundry done as well. Thumbs up for our first Ramada experience of the FHMA tour. Hotel rating: 4.5 stars (out of 5).

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From James Vaughn, who notes the rare a photo of Joan and I together that we ran last week:

• Seeing the picture of the two of you together made me realize how rare those pictures are. And my first thought was -"They finally encountered intelligent life which could figure out Jim or Joan's camera." But then I saw Joan's arm... So are your cameras too hard to use? You're too anti-social to ask strangers to take pics? Or after Jim's attempted grand theft camera incident are you afraid to trust anyone near your cameras? A nice pic of all four of you would be a nice touch I'd think.

James makes an excellent point: We haven't run that many photos of Joan or me, and even fewer of us together. Some of it is logistics; usually one of us is dealing with the dogs while the other takes pictures. But a larger part of the reason is reader demand. In the early stages of our 2003 trip, we ran a number of photos of us humans, but soon heard from readers that they wanted three things: less Jim, less Joan, more Fred. So we've been trying to follow that lead this time around as well. But we will make sure to get a photo of humans and canines together before our trip ends in nine days.

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Monday: Into St. Louis to catch up with friends.
• Tuesday: Springfield, Ill., and dinner in Chicago.
• Wednesday: The Ford Library in Grand Rapids, Mich., and sites in Indiana and Ohio.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTOS

Hank takes an unexpected nap at Lien Park in Sioux Falls, S.D. Joan asked him to lay down for a photo op, and he immediately fell asleep.

FHMA Day 64: Back in Black (Hills, That Is)

QUICK FACTS

 

• Where We Started:  Rapid City, S.D.
• Where We Ended: Sioux Falls, S.D.
• Miles Driven: 493 (16,074 total).
• New States: None.
• States So Far: 26 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

One of our fondest memories of our 2003 trip was watching the sun set at the Badlands on Joan's birthday. So we were excited to return there on the FHMA tour, and not just because of those memories. Symbolically, we also knew this would be FHMA's last stop in what we consider "the West." Needless to say, the Badlands didn't disappoint, though it was bittersweet, since we're now closing in on the end of this journey.

We structured Friday so that we'd arrive at Badlands National Park for sunset. That gave us some time earlier in the day to explore the Rapid City area, which is loaded with interesting sites (and a lot of kitschy ones, too). The first stop, and one that's a must on a trip like this: Mount Rushmore National Monument. It's a well-established fact that I'm a presidential history buff, but I have to admit, Mount Rushmore doesn't do a whole lot for me. It's interesting and has a fascinating history. But once you've seen the monument, you're sort of done. But because we care about our readers, we made an obligatory return appearance there. We may as well have left the car running, because we were there for about 15 minutes.

We went to the monument, yes, but I wasn't going to settle for another routine shot of Mount Rushmore. Here's a shot taken from the walkway leading up to the viewing area. (Photo by Jim)

From Mount Rushmore, we took a scenic ride through the Black Hills area, but encountered mostly disappointment. It was drizzling and overcast again, which didn't help. We did part of the Peter Norbeck Scenic Drive, which wasn't great on a cloudy day, and then hopped onto the Needles Highway, a road that cuts through some cool rock formations and has three tunnels cut through the granite. The tunnels were cool, but coming from places like Death Valley and Yosemite, the rock formations were not all that eye-opening. We then headed to Custer State Park, where we had a wonderful visit in 2003, thanks to the wildlife wandering all over the park. The animals apparently get Fridays off, as we saw only a few deer in our drive down Wildlife Loop Road. No bison. No coyotes. No deer. The most excitement we had at Custer was when we spotted two fires and called them in, only to find out they were controlled burns.

So when we took off for the Pinnacles Entrance of Badlands National Park, we were nervous. The day had been somewhat of a bust and the weather was still iffy. But cruising along Interstate 90, we started to see blue skies in the distance. Then, a rainbow appeared. But since, depending on your heritage, rainbows can be considered either really good luck or really bad luck, we decided not to read too much into the rainbow, though it provided for a pretty sight from the dreariness of intertstate driving.

A rainbow rises out of the distance, just beyond one of Joan's sneakers. (Photo by Jim, while driving 80mph).

As we got closer and closer to the park, however, it was clear the rainbow had been good luck. The gray skies gave way to blue, though not so blue that there weren't clouds. This was good, since clouds at the Badlands always make for cooler photos.

We arrived at Badlands National Park about 90 minutes before sunset, and once we did, remembered why we loved it so much back in 2003. 

The Badlands, created by millions of years of erosion by wind and water.

Another view, from an overlook at Badlands National Park.

Jim contends with the high winds at Badlands National Park.

Jim does his best Leonardo DiCaprio impression at the edge of a dropoff at Badlands National Park.

We even got an bonus: After missing out on seeing wildlife at Custer State Park, we saw a lot of animals wandering the park.

A small pack of mountain goats keep an eye on us as we snap photos.

One of the mountain goats wears what I assume is a radio collar put on him by park authorities. Either that, or it's a goat's version of an ankle bracelet and this guy was part of an insider-trading scheme.

A trio of mule deer cross a field at Badlands National Park. (Photo by Jim)

Eventually, the sun began to set. I've never seen a place as transformed by a setting sun as the Badlands. It brings out the already rich colors of the park and creates shadows that take your breath away.

A shadow starts to fall over a stretch of the badlands. (Photo by Jim)

The setting sun deepens the reds of the badlands. (Photo by Jim)

The sun sets at Badlands National Park, just as the heavy clouds move back in. (Photo by Jim)

Soon after sunset, we continued our march home. Because we're behind schedule getting home, we decided to bite off a big chunk and made the four-hour drive to Sioux Falls, S.D. We decided we had to make one stop, though: the Corn Palace in Mitchell, S.D. We caught a lot of grief for missing this on the Fred Takes America tour, so we weren't going to miss it again. But we also could not afford to stop for more than a photo op because of our tight schedule to get home. For those who don't know, the Corn Palace is an multi-purpose facility that features elaborate murals made of corn products on its outside. Built in 1892, it got its first overhaul in 1904, when Mitchell made a bid to supplant Pierre at South Dakota's state capital. This plan did not work, though the presence of Corn Palace certainly means Mitchell gets more tourists than PIerre.

The Corn Palace in Mitchell, S.D., at about 1am Saturday.

With our tour of maize-based auditoriums now complete, we got back on the highway to Sioux Falls. Because of a one-hour time loss when we hit the Central Time Zone, we didn't get in until 2:15am. Needless to say, we went right to sleep.

ROAD SCRAPS

• While we were at Mount Rushmore, we saw a woman scanning the horizon with a hand-held telescope. Now, there are places where this device must come in handy. But at Mount Rushmore? Joan and I were debating which one of us was going to walk up and tell her, "It's those four huge heads right over there. You can't miss them." Joan suggested maybe she was a dermatologist checking the presidents' pores.
• While we were at Custer State Park, Joan mentioned the picture she really wants is one of a bird standing on the back of a larger animal. This seemed like an odd statement, since we hadn't seen that particular sight yet on the trip. Amazingly, an hour later, we saw a bird perched on the back of a cow alongside the highway. I turned around and pulled up in front of this scene, but the car scared away the bird. So we pulled a U-turn, and as we were coming back, saw the bird had returned to the cow's back. So Joan suggested I stop about 50 feet away so that she could tiptoe up and get the shot. So I stopped, and made sure the dogs were otherwise occupied. And I turned off the car radio. And Joan very quietly got out of the car. And, for reasons I will never understand, went and slammed the door. Bye-bye, birdie. Joan walked around the car, looked up and said, "Where did the bird go?" I informed her that it was gone, and that maybe, just maybe, the sound of a car door slamming might have had something to do with it. So, in the end, Joan did not get her shot, and I found out why Joan did not pursue a career in surveillance.
• One day after I ran over a prairie dog at Theodore Roosevelt National Park, I sadly added a bunny to the body count. This ill-fated rabbit ran out onto I-90 during our late-night drive to Sioux Falls. I'm hoping this is the end of the carnage. Somewhere in the animal community, there are wanted posters of me.
• On Friday night, Joan was on the phone with Baymont, trying to find us a place in Sioux Falls. She was at her negotiating best, going down her standard list of questions, i.e. is there a AAA rate, is there a Costco rate, is there a recession rate, etc. Finally, after completing this lightning round, the Baymont guy asked a simple question. "What rate am I competing against?" Joan -- who's used to doing the asking on these calls -- thought about it, then gave a simple, perfect answer: "You're not competing against anyone. I'm just trying to beat you down." Mission accomplished, as Joan was able to get the rate down from $99 to $79. It takes real skill to give away your plan to beat someone down, and then still manage to do it.
• We haven't seen many speed traps on this trip. I learned in 2003 to always abide by the speed limit when rolling through small towns, as the sudden drop from 55mph to 25mph makes it far too easy to get a speeding ticket. But I haven't seen many cops in hiding in these towns on this trip. But as we were cruising through Amidon, N.D. on Thursday, I did spot a cop car alongside U.S.-85. But it was obvious, even from a distance, that the car had been there for some time. For years, in fact. It was an old police car, placed right on the edge of town, designed to scare you into slowing down. And Amidon had once pulled out all the stops; this car also had an mannequin in the driver's seat. But it's been there so long now that it is listing to the point of almost being face down on the passenger seat. Let's just say that if Amidon is serious about this charade, it's going to need to need a new car and a new mannequin. The police car was so old it looked like something Buford T. Justice drove in one of the "Smokey and the Bandit" movies. Here's a site, from 2002, that shows pictures of the car and the mannequin.

MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "The Chain," by Fleetwood Mac. One of the best songs that's turned up on the random play, this tune -- along with "Go Your Own Way" -- makes me crank up the volume on the iPod every time it comes on. This tune is off of "Rumours," the best album Fleetwood Mac has ever made, and in my view, one of the best albums of the 1970s. There isn't a bad song on the album, and a handful of classics. The mini-jam at the end of "The Chain" is also terrific.
• Here's the Day 8 report on our A-to-Z iPod Exploration:
  
  • First Song of the Day: "Bloody Christmas," by Jerry Goldsmith (from "L.A. Confidential").
  • Last Song of the Day: "Bounce," by System of a Down.
  • Best Songs: "Blue Sky," by the Allman Brothers; "Bohemian Rhapsody," by Queen; "Bolero," by Maurice Ravel; "Bones," by Radiohead; "Born in the '50s," by The Police; "Born in the U.S.A.," by Bruce Springsteen; "Born to Run," by Bruce Springsteen; "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," by Green Day.
  • Pleasant Surprises: "Blue Skies Over Dundalk," by Mary Prankster; "Bodysnatchers," by Radiohead; "Bois de Boulogne," by Tangerine Dream; "Bomber Bash," by Ry Cooder; "Bones," by Mickey Hart; "Bop Scotch," by Stereolab; "The Bottle's Talking Now," by Mary Prankster.
  • Guilty Pleasures: "Boogie Nights," by Heatwave; "Both Sides Now," by Judy Collins.
  • Bad Songs by Good Artists: "Bobby Jean," by Bruce Springsteen; "Boris the Spider," by The Who.
  • Great Rediscoveries: "Bombs Away," by The Police; "Boogie With Stu," by Led Zeppelin.
• Late-night drives through unfamiliar areas can be brutal. We've made two in the past week, as we try and cover the ground we need to in order to complete our quest to hit all 48 states. On both drives -- from the Columbia River Gorge to Boise, Idaho, and from the Badlands to Sioux Falls, S.D., I've really needed a boost toward the end of the rides, and both times, I got it via great driving songs on the iPod. On the drive to Boise, I was hurting as we approached the Idaho border, which still left us 50 miles away. Then, I heard the opening notes of The Who's "Baba O'Riley." By the time the song ended five minutes later, I was good to go. I needed another pick-me-up on the ride to Sioux Falls, and got it in the form of "Born to Run," which is one of the all-time great driving songs. It's the song that got me into Springsteen when I saw him perform it live at Giants Stadium in 1985. The "1, 2, 3, 4... Highways jammed with broken heroes..." part of the song is, to me, one of the most memorable parts of any song in rock and roll history.

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: Firehouse Brewing Company, Rapid City, S.D.: Set in an old firehouse, this brew pub had a nice feel, though the life-size mannequins of firemen was an odd touch, since I know what firemen look like. I brought my laptop in to try and finish our Theodore Roosevelt post, but the excruciatingly slow speed of restaurant's wireless connection put a quick end to any hope. In what is a pretty rare occurrence, Joan and I ordered the same meal: we started with New England clam chowder and then went for corned beef sandwiches. The only difference: Joan got sauteed onions on hers. The soups were good; the corned beef sandwiches good but not amazing. Jim Nutrition Rating: 1 stars (out of 5). The corned beef sandwiches came with fries, ending any chance of even a 1.5 rating. Restaurant Rating: 3.5 stars (out of 5). I kind of wanted to ding them for having an absolutely terrible Web site, but in the end, I decided we didn't choose the place based on its Web site, but on strong reviews off tripadvisor.com. This won't go down as one of our most memorable meals, but it wasn't bad.
• Dinner: Cactus Cafe, Wall, S.D.: We tried to go to the famous Wall Drug, but it closes at 5:30pm during the area's offseason. So we headed across the street to the Cactus Cafe, the site of one if 2003's odder eating experiences. It was there than Joan ordered a BLT, only to have it show up without bacon. We eventually decided the "B" stood for "bread." We were just as surprised as anyone that we ended up back at this place, but it was the only restaurant still open in town and we were starving. When the two of us arrived, it brought the restaurant's total clientele to, well, two. There were two young women still on duty, and while nice, they were not good ambassadors for Wall, which they called boring more than once. Our first few minutes there lowered our expectations so much, we were actually pleasantly surprised by what was, truthfully, mediocre food. There's something to be said for lowering expectations (some of us have made a career of it). I got a French dip with fries, and Joan -- who noted that the BLT was no longer on the menu -- went for a chef's salad. We both started with the clam chowder, which was just OK. Jim Nutrition Rating: 1 stars (out of 5). Restaurant Rating: 3 stars (out of 5).

HOTEL REPORT

• Baymont Inn & Suites, Sioux Falls, S.D.: Not even the crabbiness that comes with arriving at 2:15am could get in the way of what was a triumphant return to the Baymont chain. Our room was huge, comfortable and -- unlike the La Quinta in Rapid City the night before -- the wireless worked and the Baymont staff chose to be strict constructionalists on the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Hotel rating: 5 stars (out of 5, on the budget hotel scale). Not a single complaint. We still ♥ Baymont.

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From Janet H., responding to another commenter that called bison "lugs":

• Great pictures! I assume the bison close up was done with a telephoto lens?
  At least I hope you didn't try what we saw a some clueless tourists doing in Yellowstone when we were there in June 1990. One was stalking a bison in a field, and two others were very stupidly closing in on a moose from two sides as it stood just outside some trees in a clearing. This, despite signs in the park, warnings from the park rangers when ever they talked with campers, and information in all the park materials they hand out that the bison, moose, bears, etc., are WILD animals and may attack if they feel cornered. Made you wonder just who the 'dumb animals' were. Of course, the park ranger who gave the nature talk one evening at our campsite told us all this, and then remarked that the most common injury they have to deal with is chipmunk bites. People try to feed the little guys and get bitten for their trouble.

Joan addressed this with her own comment, but responding here as well. The bison shots we got were almost all taken from the car. Joan did get out of the car a few times to get a little closer, but was always close to the car. We take the animal warnings seriously. And we should. There are not a lot of living things of any kind that I can outrun, and Joan so rarely runs at all, I wouldn't like her chances either.

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Sunday: Eastern Kansas and Kansas City, Mo.
• Monday: Across Missouri to St. Louis.
• Tuesday: Back north to hit sites in Wisconsin and Illinois.

JOAN PIC OF THE DAY

The deep colors of Badlands National Park start to come out as the sun begins to set.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTO

Hank pulls out his extra-cute look at Badlands National Park.

FHMA Day 63: Going Bad

QUICK FACTS

• Where We Started:  Billings, Mont.
• Where We Ended: Rapid City, S.D.
• Miles Driven: 594 (15,581 total).
• New States: North Dakota, South Dakota.
• States So Far: 26 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

A Thursday that began with a distinctly bad vibe was saved by our arrival at one of our favorite places on Earth, the Badlands. After I spent most of the morning hopelessly trying to publish our Yellowstone post from the car, we arrived at Theodore Roosevelt National Park in a state of disarray. I was whining, Joan was exhausted and the dogs were itching to get out of the car and get some exercise. The FHMA crew was teetering on the brink of disaster. But the Badlands have an incredibly soothing effect on us, and before long, everyone's problems were forgotten.

On our 2003 trip, we started by driving out north, and our arrival at Theodore Roosevelt was truly the moment we realized we'd reached "the West." We visited both the north and south units of the North Dakota park before heading to South Dakota's Badlands National Park, which we loved even more. The terrain in the Badlands is stark and otherworldly, thanks to the erosion of its soil by wind and water over millions of years. The Badlands have been described as "hell with the fires put out," and yet, it's incredibly beautiful, thanks to the odd shapes, canyons, grasslands and a wide pallet of colors.

We only had time to do the south unit of Theodore Roosevelt this time, but our memories of 2003 returned quickly when we drove through one of many prairie dog towns in the park. In 2003, Fred went so nuts when he saw one of these towns, he tried to go leap out of one of the car windows to get at them. Unfortunately (and fortunately), the window was closed, so Fred smacked into it in "Three Stooges" fashion. Prairie dogs are essentially squirrels, and tend to hang out in large numbers in small areas, called prairie dog towns. They're called "dogs" partially because they emit a bark of sorts when any kind of threat approaches, i.e. humans, other animals.

 
A prairie dog stands at attention in Theodore Roosevelt National Park.

The appearance of the prairie dogs got Fred out of his funk, and he was ready to roll. Because the dogs' barking tends to scare all wildlife away -- even the bison in Yellowstone jogged away when the dogs starting barking at them -- we try very hard to keep them quiet when we're trying to take wildlife photos.

Since voice commands don't work during wildlife appearances, Jim grabs the bottom of Fred's jaw to keep him from opening his mouth. No, I'm not choking him.

Eventually, all attempts to keep the dogs quiet in the park's many prairie dog towns failed, and they went bananas. Even mellow Hank let loose with something that can't really be described as a bark. It was more like an impression of a wounded pig. We were able to get video of a few seconds of the chaos in the car.

Once we got past the prairie dogs, we stopped at the Vista Skyline, which affords a pretty view of some of the park and the surrounding town of Medora. Even boring old Interstate 94 looks beautiful when dropped into the landscape.

Jim and Fred wander out toward the Vista Skyline.

Interstate 94 runs into a roadblock named Fred at the Vista Skyline at Theodore Roosevelt National Park.
 

 Soon, we were into the main part of the park, where the hoodoos and deep colors that are essential parts of the badlands made their first appearances. 

 

By the time we reached one of the park's best viewing spots, the Buck Hill Overlook, the FHMA crew was all smiles.

A refreshed Joan takes a load off at the Buck Hill overlook at Theodore Roosevelt.

After a brutal start to the day, Jim is able to crack a smile. This was before he ran over a prairie dog.

The one pleasant surprise we had at Theodore Roosevelt was the number of animals wandering the park. Last time we visited, we didn't see much wildlife beyond prairie dogs. Thursday was a different story.

A wild horse flashes a smile -- and something else -- at Joan.

A bison takes a dust bath at Theodore Roosevelt National Park. Bison do this to remove some hairs from their backs and to keep parasites at bay. 

A wild horse looks sadly after our departing Acura. Actually, that's not true. The horse had been standing in the road in that exact position for a few minutes before we passed. (Photo by Jim)

The sights of the park weren't the only factors in improving our moods. The heavy clouds that we encountered upon our arrival faded away, and we only had to deal with a few quick showers. Also, the park was nearly deserted, making for a very up-close-and-personal visit. So when we departed around 5pm, we were once again a happy crew.

We got on the road early because we definitely wanted to make the drive down U.S.-85 to Rapid City during daylight. That's because we made the exact same drive in 2003, but late at night, and it was brutal, a true death march. Not only was it pitch black almost the entire way, but it was one of the loneliest drives I've ever done, as we may have seen 10 other cars in three hours. Adding to the fun was the fact wildlife was near and/or in the road all along the way, which led to one fatality (a bunny). For a good chunk of that drive, Joan was deer spotting, barking out "left side, one deer," "right side, two deer," etc. It was bad.


U.S.-85 in South Dakota, in the daytime. Imagine 126 miles of this. At night.

Luckily, this time, the U.S.-85 drive was fine. No animals were killed in the making of this drive, and in fact, we got into the Rapid City area early enough to make a stop at the geographical center of the United States. Well, sort of. In the town of Belle Fourche, there is a monument commemorating the geographical center of the U.S., but the actual geographic center is 20 miles to the north of Belle Fourche. The town of Belle Fourche rightly assumed that no one would go visit the actual spot -- it's on private ranch land, in the absolute middle of nowhere -- so it was put someplace more accessible.

Hank and Fred sit atop the unofficial marker commemorating the geographic center of the United States, in Belle Fourche, S.D.

Finally, after dinner, we finally arrived in Rapid City. This ended the most road-heavy day of our entire trip, as we logged nearly 600 miles. We all went to sleep, geeked up to revisit Badlands National Park.

ROAD SCRAPS

• Thanks to those of you who clarified the animal in this photo. Since the animal wouldn't tell me what it was, I was left to guess, and guessed female pronghorn. A few folks have left me know that it is an elk, specifically a cow elk.
• Once I got over my computer-related pissiness upon our arrival at Theodore Roosevelt, we had a wonderful visit. It was marred only by two incidents, which occurred at exactly the same time. As we were leaving the park, we had to pass back through one of the prairie dog towns where the dogs had previously gone nuts. The hope was we could cruise through quietly and the dogs would not notice. We were dreaming. The sight of these little guys scampering all over the place made Fred crazy, and he leaped out of Joan's lap and into the back seat to bark. Unfortunately, he left a parting gift on Joan's jeans: a bit of anal gland fluid that smelled so horrible, we had to roll down the windows. The combination of Fred running around the inside the car and my dealing with the smell meant I never saw the prairie dog that ran out in the road, and sadly, I ran over it. I looked back, and it was writhing in the middle of the road. I can't imagine it lived, but there clearly wasn't anything I could do. Now, I'm an animal lover -- not a crazy PETA animal lover, mind you, but an animal lover -- so it kills me when I run over an animal. So, RIP, cute prairie dog. We did call the park ranger to report this incident, and see whether they could dispatch a prairie dog rescue team to the scene, but alas, they said it was nature taking its course, notwithstanding the fact the killer was a one-ton automobile and not another natural creation. On the bright side, I'm pretty sure that was my first kill of the trip. On the 2003 trip, I only ran over one animal, the aforementioned bunny on U.S.-85 in South Dakota.
• Unfortunately for Joan, she's been the victim of this anal fluid problem before. On our 2003 trip, it was this fluid which led to Joan's comedic Kansas Without Pants skit (scroll down on this page).
• Hank seems to have overcome his new-found fear of bathrooms. On Thursday night, we watched him walk into the bathroom and get a drink without incident. Then, in the middle of the night, he tried a new strategy: turning the room itself into a bathroom. I heard him jump off the bed at about 5am and start wandering the room. After about 10 minutes, I heard the unmistakable sound of a dog peeing. Guessing he wasn't using the toilet, I jumped up and found him peeing at the foot of the coffee table in the living room part of the suite. I guess his strategy is that, if everything is the bathroom, he can't be afraid of the bathroom. And we thought he was light on the brain cells.
• Interesting little slice of animal behavior while at Theodore Roosevelt. We turned a corner and happened upon three wild horses in the middle of the road. As we approached, they huddled in the middle of the road -- with the black horse the clear leader of the group -- and communicated something to each other. They then then each took off in a different direction. It was hard to interpret this any other way than that they identified a threat (us), huddled to devise a solution that would make it hard for us to do harm to all three and executed the strategy. Fascinating. Here's a composite of the huddle, break and execution.

• The admission of Alaska and Hawaii to the United States in 1959 created quite a stir in Smith Center, Kansas. Why, you ask? Because, prior to their admission, Smith Center was the geographic center of the United States. This distinction was quite useful for tourism purposes, especially if -- like Smith Center -- you're not near an interstate and don't have a lot else going for you to attract tourism dollars. As mentioned earlier in this post, the addition of Alaska ad Hawaii moved the geographic center of the United States to about 20 miles north of Belle Fourche, S.D. The good news for Smith Center: It can -- and does -- still claim the distinction of being the geographic center of the contiguous 48 states. And that must still have some appeal,m since two people traveling with their beagle -- that would be the Fred Takes America tour -- saw fit to visit this spot in 2003.

From 2003: The stone marker at the geographic center of the continental United States, near Smith Center, Kan. (Photo by Jim)

MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "Johnnie Can't Dance," by Zydeco Force. I happen to really enjoy zydeco, though only in small doses. I have bought a few zydeco albums in my time -- almost always after I come back from New Orleans -- and this is one of my favorites. My all-time favorite zydeco tune: "No, It Ain't My Fault," by the Zydeco All-Stars.
• Here's the Day 7 report on our A-to-Z iPod Exploration:
  
  • First Song of the Day: "The Big Wheel," by Rush.
  • Last Song of the Day: "Bloody Boy/Neon Reprise," by Angelo Badalamenti (from "Arlington Road)."
  • Best Songs: "Big Yellow Taxi," by Joni Mitchell; "Biko," by Peter Gabriel; "Birdland," by Weather Report; "Birmingham Sunday," by Joan Baez; "Bitches' Brew," by Miles Davis; "Bittersweet Symphony," by The Verve; "Black," by Pearl Jam; "Black Dog," by Led Zeppelin; "Black Star," by Radiohead; "Blinded by the Light," by Manfred Mann; "Blister in the Sun," by the Violent Femmes; "Blitzkreig Bop," by The Ramones; "Blood of Eden," by Peter Gabriel.
  • Pleasant Surprises: "Blood on the Motorway," by DJ Shadow.
  • Guilty Pleasures: "The Biggest Part of Me," by Ambrosia.
  • Bad Songs by Good Artists: "Bike'," by Pink Floyd; "Black Country Woman," by Led Zeppelin; "Black Milk," by Massive Attack; "Blind," by the Talking Heads.
  • Great Rediscoveries: "Black Coffee in Bed," by Squeeze; "Black Hole Sun," by Soundgarden.

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: Pizza Hut, Miles City, Mont.: Halfway through a long morning drive from Billings to Medora, N.D., we decided we needed to get out of the car for lunch. So we both got the pizza and salad buffet, and Joan took full advantage of the salad option. Jim... not so much. Jim Nutrition Rating: 1.5 stars (out of 5). I only had a couple of slices, if that matters. And they didn't all have meat toppings, but only because they briefly ran out of sausage and pepperoni pizza. This whole eating well thing didn't really work out, did it? Restaurant Rating: 3.5 stars (out of 5). Perfectly solid, though we both oddly found ourselves starving a few hours later.
• Dinner: Applebee's, Spearfish, S.D.: After our brutally dull drive down U.S.-85 -- which featured almost no restaurants or facilities of any kind -- we were desperate for food, and stopped as soon as we reached the commercial area around I-90. Applebee's has served us well on this trip, so we gave it another shot, and once again, we were happy. I had a club sandwich, and Joan had the chicken Caesar salad. Jim Nutrition Rating: 1.5 stars (out of 5). These days, a 1.5 rating is pretty good for me. Restaurant Rating: 4 stars (out of 5).

HOTEL REPORT

• La Quinta Inn & Suites, Rapid City, S.D..: Once Fred left some anal fluid behind on Joan's jeans, we had to find a place with guest laundry. Not because we didn't have enough clean clothes, but the smell of this fluid is far worse than actual poop. It can peel paint off a wall. Luckily, this La Quinta had guest laundry. But, unfortunately, just about everything else went awry. The Internet connection did not work for me at all, and crapped out on Joan after a few minutes. My wireless card also picked up nothing. The hotel had a high-speed cord, so we shared that. The person at the front desk told us no one had ever called to complain about the wireless connection, which 1) was surely not true, and 2) information that didn't help a whit in solving our problem, and thus useless. As if that wasn't bad enough, the housekeeping crew knocked on our door four times, despite the presence of what we felt was a relatively self-explanatory "Do Not Disturb" sign. By the fourth time they knocked, we were screaming back at them, "Go away!" Hotel rating: 2 stars (out of 5). The room was nice and big and the bed comfortable. But this hotel botched all the little things. Unrelated fact: This hotel shares a water park with the Fairfield Inn next door. This meant nothing to us, since we don't even use the pool that's sitting 10 feet from our back door at home, but this seemed to make it a great place for kids, as long as no one wants to be online or sleep in.

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From Josh Hatch, responding to another commenter that called bison "lugs":

• Bison certainly aren't lugs! They can run faster and jump higher than many other animals, especially humans. They can run up to 40 miles an hour and leap 6-foot fences.

We were quite surprised to learn this as well. The park is very bullish on the bison's capabilities, and indeed cited these stats in an attempt to make sure us idiot humans did not underestimate them. The park only gave them credit for 30 miles an hour, but added the helpful note that -- unless you're Carl Lewis in his prime -- that's three times as fast as humans can run. And, once bison catch you, you're pretty much screwed on every front. According to Wikipedia, "between 1978 and 1992, nearly five times as many people in Yellowstone National Park were killed or injured by bison as by bears (12 by bears, 56 by bison)."

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Saturday: Down the Missouri River into Kansas City.
• Sunday: Assorted sites in Missouri on the way to St. Louis.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTOS

Hank noses up to me at a rest stop outside Theodore Roosevelt National Park. This is some sort of security blanket for Hank, who often comes up to Joan or me and rubs his nose against ours. It seems to make him feel more secure.

Fred does a half-tilty at the Skyline Vista at Theodore Roosevelt National Park. (Photo by Jim)

FHMA Day 62: Mist Opportunities

QUICK FACTS

 

• Where We Started:  Jackson, Wyo.
• Where We Ended: Billings, Mont.
• Miles Driven: 418 (14,987 total).
• New States: Montana.
• States So Far: 24 (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana)

THE DAY'S HIGHLIGHTS

The schizophrenic weather we experienced on Tuesday wasn't an issue Wednesday: this time, the weather sucked the entire day. The maddeningly consistent misty rain, combined with the fact Yellowstone National Park is still in the midst of re-opening after the winter, meant we couldn't do a whole lot. But it was still an interesting day, as the weather created some interesting photo opportunities, and Yellowstone's wildlife was out in full force.

Because the road that connects Jackson Hole with Yellowstone isn't opening until Friday, we had to take the long way to the park. This wouldn't be an issue for 99 percent of parks in the country. But Yellowstone is sort of big, so 150 miles and almost three hours later, we finally reached the park's west entrance, in West Yellowstone, Mont. (The park itself is in three states: Montana, Idaho and Wyoming, though 96 percent of it is in Wyoming). It had been raining when we left Jackson, but we'd held out hope the weather would improve as we got closer to the park. It didn't, and it was drizzling and gray almost the entire time we were there. But the weather didn't effect the park's wildlife, as they made frequent appearances throughout the park.

A bison takes a stroll down the middle of a park road, accompanied by his baby Toyota. (Photo by Jim)

An animal of some kind tries to stare us down, but is betrayed by a goofy look. I did a little research, and I think this may be a female pronghorn, since their horns are sometimes not visible. If anyone has a more definitive answer, though, bring it on. I'm definitely guessing.


A bison calf hangs close to mom near Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park.

A pensive bison ponders world affairs while wandering the streets of Yellowstone.

A female mule deer hangs out on a hillside at Yellowstone.

This animal is a beagle, also known by its scientific name: four-legged eating machine. Here, Fred hops out of a deep snowbank after, shall we say, making a permanent contribution to the landscape at Yellowstone. 

A homo sapiens, apparently a rather dim one, finds out that even a six-month old snowdrift is no match for 250 pounds.

Because some of the main park roads are still closed, getting to some parts of the park is quite time-consuming and getting to others impossible. Since we spent two days at Yellowstone back in 2003, we didn't feel the need to see everything. So we focused on what we think are the coolest things in the park: the geothermal features, specifically the geysers and hot springs. Half of the world's geothermal features and two-thirds of its geysers reside within the boundaries of Yellowstone National Park. The park's unique ecosystem was created by a series of events that included massive volcanic eruptions, the collapse of a large portion of what is now Yellowstone National Park, the subsequent creation of a basin and the fact that enough magmatic heat remains from the area's volcanic days to then generate the geysers, hot springs, fumaroles and mudpots.

Our first stop was the most famous geyser in the world: Old Faithful. The most predictable of geysers, it pretty much always erupts within 55 to 75 minutes. We were there for an eruption in 2003, but got unlucky on Wednesday, arriving mere minutes after an eruption. Since we'd seen Old Faithful erupt before, we weren't up for waiting an hour to see it again. But here's what we saw in 2003.

 
Old Faithful's eruption on our 2003 tour.

We made two other major stops on our geothermal tour: the Black Sand Basin and Mammoth Hot Springs. Many of the other geyser basins were closed, some for bear habitat reasons and others without any explanation at all.

Jim wanders through the steam enveloping the trail at Black Sand Basin. All the "trails" at the geyser basins are wooden walkways because walking directly on the ground can cause serious damage to the ecosystem, not to mention it can get you killed.

The main terrace at Mammoth Hot Springs. These "terraces" are created when travertine is deposited as white rock by the park's hot springs. Microorganisms and bacteria then help generate the colors that cover this white rock.

The village of Mammoth Hot Springs, as seen from the top of Minerva Terrace, which is currently dry, though this could change at any time.

The geothermal scene at Black Sand Basin. (Photo by Jim)

Travertine mounds at Mammoth Hot Springs. (Photo by Jim)

By the time we got back to the car after hiking Mammoth Hot Springs, the rain had picked up again, so we decided to head out. Joan declared herself done for the day from a photography standpoint, but that didn't last long. About one mile from the park exit, we turned a corner and encountered a huge rainbow, which was soon joined by a fainter second one.

A double rainbow at Yellowstone. The lighter of the two rainbows rises from the middle left of the photo.

Then, our Yellowstone day ended just the way it started: with a herd of bison. This time, they were minding their own business, peacefully grazing in a field.

(Photo by Jim)

Once we left Yellowstone, I briefly considered doing death-march drive to Glendive, Mont., since we're a little behind schedule on getting home. But, cooler heads prevailed, and we set down in Billings, Mont., and planned to get an early start on our trip to the Badlands.

ROAD SCRAPS

• Sorry for the delay in getting this post live. Normally, I write in the morning at our hotel, but we wanted to get an early start Thursday, so Joan came up with a great idea: she'd drive and I'd write and post from the car, using my wireless card. This sounded like a great idea, until I realized that AT&T apparently hasn't yet discovered eastern Montana or western North Dakota, which meant I either couldn't connect at all or had an absolutely brutal connection. These connectivity issues eventually led to a time-out error when I was trying to save the blog, eating a half-hour of work. I think I've been pretty open about how frustrated I get when I lose work, and Wednesday was no exception. I was not pleasant to be around for a good chunk of the day.
• One of the things that continues to amaze us on this trip is the incredible number of foreign tourists we've seen in national parks. We visited an overlook at the Grand Canyon where we were the only people who spoke English. We saw so many buses full of Japanese tourists at Yosemite, I asked Joan, "I wonder who's minding Japan right now?" Again, at Yellowstone, we saw foreign tourists from all over the world, and this on a day where the weather meant for sparse crowds. I think those of us who live here too often forget how amazing the landscape in this country is. Those outside the country seem to know, though.
• We pulled into an Exxon to get gas in Livingston, Mont., and as soon as we did, we saw a young man start walking our way with a clipboard and trinkets. Obviously, he was coming to ask for money, and it was obvious it wasn't for a bake sale or the Boy Scouts. He could barely speak English, but let me know he was from Korea and was with the Unification Church. Now, I live in a city where one of the daily newspapers is owned by the Unification Church, and I've never met a member there. I wasn't expecting my first encounter to be in Livingston, Mont. If we didn't have a two-hour drive ahead of us and he spoke better English, I might have asked some questions. Plus, I was trying to pump gas, and as I learned in Oregon, this is apparently a very dangerous task, so I wanted to pay 100 percent attention to that. So I didn't ask him any questions. I just did what too many other people do -- and what the church undoubtedly counts on -- and gave him $5 to go away. Later, as we were eating dinner, I saw him wander from the Exxon to another location, and I really wondered how this kid had gotten to this place on this day. As we drove down Interstate 90 to Billings, I wished I hadn't been so tired and had put my reporter hat on.
• FHMA got a nice writeup from roanoke.com -- a great site, by the way -- in its dog blog, The Happy Wag.
• Hank is suddenly terrified of bathrooms at our hotels. We have no idea why this is -- and, yes, please hold your jokes here -- but we now have to leave the dogs' water dish outside the bathroom so Hank will drink. Part of how we learned there was a problem was when we saw Hank trying to drag the water dish out of the bathroom. Note: He wasn't successful. Since we got Hank from a shelter (via a beagle rescue), he was pretty damaged when we got him. He's much, much less skittish now than he used to be. But watching him suddenly become terrified of a bathroom makes you realize that shelter dogs like Hank have histories us humans will never know about, which makes these kinds of issues harder to resolve.
• Our visit to Yellowstone reminded us of two funny stories from our 2003 visit there.
  • We decided to walk a short trail at the Mud Volcano, and Fred was not allowed to join us. But it was 75 degrees out, so we could not leave him in a hot car. So we came up with a brilliant plan: We'd leave the car running and the AC on full blast and lock the car with our remote keypad. We tried this, but found that the backup remote keypad would not allow us to lock the car while it's running. So Joan reached in and locked the doors by hand. This seemed so clever until we realized that the remote keypad STILL wouldn't lock or unlock the doors, leaving us unable to get into the car -- or to Fred -- at all. Unfortunately, Fred did not understand our command to unlock the door, and minus opposable thumbs, was pretty useless anyway. So we then started to panic. We began brainstorming solutions, i.e. call OnStar, break a window, etc. Then, Joan comes up with the best idea of all: "Wait. Why don't we use the ACTUAL CAR KEY to unlock the door?" Yes, because we'd been using the remote key fob for so long, we forgot Acura had been nice enough when we bought the car to actually provide a hard copy of the key. Not surprisingly, this worked, and Fred was soon free. I guess this is a sign that we have become a little too dependent on remote locking devices. 
  • While Joan was using a rest room in the park, I was sitting in the car reading a map when I heard a knock on the passenger side window. I looked, and it was an elderly man. He knocked again, and then tried the door. I decided I was either about to become the victim of the world's oldest -- and most polite -- carjacker, or he was indeed at the wrong car. I yelled to him that he was at the wrong car, but he did not hear me, and started knocking in a more annoyed fashion. Finally, I rolled the window down, and he poked his head in, presumably to ask me why I wouldn't unlock the door. Immediately, he had his answer, when I said, "Helllooo." The poor guy looked at me, and scurried off to the silver car right ahead of mine without saying a word. We saw him a few times later in the day, and he was so embarrassed, he would not even make eye contact.

COMMENTS FUN

Time to pull some gems from the comments area from the past week or so:

• Jen Parobek mentioned hearing that the world's oldest dog was a beagle. A little Web surfing turned up the fact that Butch the Beagle -- who lived in Charlottesville, Va. -- made it to 28 years old before finally passing on a few years back. The oldest dog title now belongs to a 21-year-old dachshund from Long Island.
• Dennis Tuttle followed an odd path from my link about LBJ's odd bathroom habits to male enhancement pulls. First, read his comment, and here's the article about the tragic end of Enzyte's pitchman.
• James Vaughn didn't pose a question here, but this comment was too funny not to pass on.

 MUSIC REPORT

• Random iPod shuffle song of the day: "America the Beautiful," by Frank Sinatra. Seems appropriate, since we spent the past few days in Idaho and Montana, two of our most beautiful states, and are soon headed to one of our favorite places, the Badlands. Not everyone can carry this tune, and can say what you will about Ol' Blue Eyes, he can.
• Here's the Day 6 report on our A-to-Z iPod Exploration:
  
  • First Song of the Day: "Becalmed," by Brian Eno.
  • Last Song of the Day: "Big Wave," by Pearl Jam.
  • Best Songs: "Because the Night," by Patti Smith (I hear Springsteen was involved in this song somehow, but don't remember where I heard that); "Begin the Beguine," by Artie Shaw & His Orchestra; "Behind Blue Eyes," by The Who; "Bell Bottom Blues," by Derek & The Dominos; "Bennie and The Jets," by Elton John; "Beth," by Kiss; "Better Days," by Bruce Springsteen; "A Better Place to Be," by Harry Chapin; "Between the Wheels," by Rush; "The Big Country," by the Talking Heads; "The Big Money," by Rush.
  • Pleasant Surprises: "Behind My Camel," by The Police; "The Big Ship," by Brian Eno.
  • Guilty Pleasures: "Being With You," by Smokey Robinson; "Best of My Love," by The Emotions; "The Best of Times," by Styx; "Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me," by Gladys Knight & The Pips.
  • Bad Songs by Good Artists: "Simply the Best'," by Tina Turner; "Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now," by Van Halen; "Big Love," by Fleetwood Mac.
  • Great Rediscoveries: "Better Man," by Pearl Jam; "Big Log," by Robert Plant.

MEAL REPORT

• Lunch: None. Yes, that's right, none. We split our leftover pizza from Tuesday night before we left the hotel, and then snacked on some almonds and other assorted snacks during the day, but we never stopped for a meal. Jim Nutrition Rating: 5 stars (out of 5). Finally, I found a way to have a healthy meal. Don't eat.
• Dinner: McDonald's, Livingston, Mont.: We were going to try and grab a non-fast food meal at Mammoth Hot Springs in Yellowstone, but we decided the bison and pronghorns wandering through the village would be too much for the dogs to handle, so we left the park and stopped at the first town of any size, which turned out to be Livingston, about 50 miles north of the park. I didn't want to eat while driving, so we stopped so I could have an even unhealthier meal than Chicken McNuggets. Jim Nutrition Rating: 0 stars (out of 5). How else can you rate a Double Quarter Pounder and fries? This may have been worth a negative rating. But, hey, we didn't have lunch. That counts for something, doesn't it? Restaurant Rating: 4 stars (out of 5). It was a damn good Quarter Pounder, though.

HOTEL REPORT

• Best Western Kelly Inn & Suites, Billings, Mont.: A perfect stay. We got a room with a door to the outside, so unloading the car was easy. The room was huge and clean. The walls were thick, the room dark, and the bed comfortable, so it was like being in a cocoon. And there was no pet fee. We were all thrilled and got a great night's sleep. Hotel rating: 5.0 stars (out of 5). Not a single ding, though I was a bit peeved my card key stopped working 10 minutes after I arrived. But since America's greatest minds apparently can't solve the hotel card key/cell phone conflict, I'll just need to be more diligent to keep them apart.
• As we suspected, the Homewood Suites in Jackson, Wyo. did not charge us $100 for the dogs. I'd say less than a third of the hotels that have said they have dog fees have actually charged us. I'm not sure whether this is forgetfulness or whether they only charge you if you create a problem, etc. Either way, we're not complaining.

COMMENT OF THE DAY

From Rick Knickerbocker, who caught the fact we'd lost track of what day of the week it was:

• [Quoting me} "We decided to hit Teton late Wednesday after finding out the main road that connects Grand Teton to Yellowstone National Park doesn't open until -- yes, believe it or not -- Friday, i.e. tomorrow." Wednesday jumps to Friday in Idaho? Or did you hook the Acura up with a flux capacitor.

OK, an admission. We did lose track of what day of the week it was. I spent all day Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday, and all day Wednesday thinking it was Thursday. This is what happens when you don't have a work week to think about. I can assure you I never lost track of what day of the week it was when I was working. Thanks for the catch, Rick. Idaho does indeed use the same calendar as the rest of the United States.

UPCOMING PLAN (subject to change)

• Thursday: Theodore Roosevelt National Park and Badlands National Park.
• Friday: Mount Rushmore, The Corn Palace and northern Nebraska.
• Saturday: Down to Missouri River into Kansas City.

BONUS BEAGLE PHOTO

Fred poses at Yellowstone National Park while Hank tries to nose his way in.