Fred & Hank Mark America

2003 Flashback: Austin

Despite the fact we have enough Austin restaurant recommendations to keep us here for a week, we're passing through Texas's capital pretty quickly. I'm here every year for a journalism conference at the University of Texas, so I'm very familiar with Austin. I love it, since I'l surely be back soon, we're going to head out after lunch Friday and head west. But here's our 2003 report on Austin:

FRED TAKES AMERICA DAY 110 (Nov. 17, 2003)

• Where We Started: Austin, Tex.
• Where We Ended: San Antonio, Tex.
• Miles Driven: 155 (30,565 overall).
• New States Covered: None. Current Tally: 42 states down, 6 to go.

Cool Site of the Day
The Lyndon Baines Johnson Library in Austin. The fifth presidential library visit of the trip, this one -- located on the University of Texas campus -- was also very good, featuring lots of information about LBJ's rise from schoolteacher to the Senate to the Presidency. Like the best of the presidential museums, it neither shies away from the problems of his administration -- Vietnam, race riots, the Robert Kennedy and MLK assassinations -- nor smooths over Johnson's own personal warts.

Among the interesting exhibits are a creepy animatronic LBJ telling some of the stories he was famous for; a 60-foot-by-20-foot exact replica of the White House that is temporarily on display; an area where the Johnsons' reactions to the JFK assassination are captured; tape recordings of LBJ using some of his legendary bargaining skills to get bills passed; and an replica of the Oval Office as it looked during Johnson's presidency.

A shot of The Great Hall, where hundreds of thousands of boxes of Johnson's presidential papers are kept. As a tour guide mentioned at the museum, LBJ was the ultimate pack rat. After his presidency, he needed something like 25 moving vans to transport all his personal papers from Washington back to Texas.

 
Scary, eh? A very tight shot of LBJ's bust at the LBJ Museum in Austin.

The Day's Other Highlights
-- Other than the LBJ Library visit and two amazing meals, our Austin visit did not quite come off as planned, thanks mostly to the weather. It was cloudy when we woke up, so we decided to take Fred to a local dog park then, rather than late afternoon. But the information on the website we used was not clear, and we were unable to find either of the two dog parks we had addresses for. By then, rain had started to fall, so we decided to do the library instead of exploring Sixth Street, the entertainment heart of Austin.

An exhausted Joan spent about 30 minutes in the library before telling me she needed to go back to the car and sleep, as our crazy-busy weekend finally started taking its toll. By the time I left about 45 minutes later, the rain had become torrential. I briefly considered calling Joan and asking her to pull the car as close as possible, but then I realized I had paid very little attention to the layout of the complex, and was not really sure where to tell her to pull up to. Since I knew I could find the car once I got out into the plaza, I just ran out into this monsoon without a jacket. After 20 seconds, I made it to an alcove, paused, and then made the 60-second sprint to the car. In those 80 seconds, I became soaked to the core, water pouring off head and dripping down my face.

At this point, it became clear that any walk on Sixth Street was going to be impossible, as the weather was showing no improvement and it was getting late. Since I have been to Austin a few times, but never been to San Antonio, I did not want to miss a night stroll along the Riverwalk, so we decided to head out. Very disappointing. Here are a few shots from our car trip:

The Texas State Capitol -- the largest state capitol in gross square footage -- is also 15 feet taller than the U.S. Capitol. The Washington version is bigger in square footage, however.

The 307-foot-tall University of Texas Tower, from which a sniper killed 16 and wounded 31 in 1966. Unlike most sites of similar massacres, the tower personnel do not acknowledge the incident and, in fact, get visibly annoyed if you ask about it.

-- As soon as I got back in the car after my sprint through the rain, Joan started suggesting I should change out of my clothes. I muttered the typical, "Ah, it'll dry; I'll be OK" response and did nothing. Later, the inevitable cold began setting in, aided and abetted by my decision to sit in an easy chair right by an open window at our hotel. By the time I went to bed, it was clear I was gonna be in for a few uncomfortable days.

-- We made it to San Antonio at about 8:30pm, and after checking in, we took Fred on a stroll down the Riverwalk. We were staying on the fringes, where the foot traffic is much lighter and the scenery beautiful. We walked all the way past the commercial area, lined with bars and restaurants before turning around and heading back.

The Riverwalk in San Antonio.

On the Riverwalk, Joan flashes as tough a look as you can get away with while wearing a Gap sweatshirt and walking a little beagle.

Meal Ratings
-- Lunch: Chuy's, Austin, Tex.: Well, this Elvis-themed Tex-Mex place scored big points right away for Joan, as the silverware came wrapped in a plastic bag that said, "This silverware has been sanitized for your protection." Then, chips and two types of salsa arrived, one that seemed to have a ketchup base and another more green chile based. Both were fantastic, so we added in some chile con carne, which Joan said was the best she's ever had. As usual, Joan spent hours before we arrived talking about how starving she was, and then ordered what I consider a snack-size meal of guacamole, refried beans and some tortillas. I had the famous Elvis Presley Memorial Combo, comprised of three enchiladas, rice and beans, and a taco with guacamole. Overall, this place was the complete package: great food, friendly and efficient service and clean. Joan felt so comfortable there she almost asked whether she could do some laundry. (4 stars).
-- Dinner: The Salt Lick, Driftwood, Tex.: The second half of what was a fabulous eating day, this world-renowned BBQ place was all it was cracked up to be. The ambiance is fantastic, as the restaurant -- which is located in the middle of nowhere, about 20 miles south of Austin -- looks like a huge ranch house. Inside, the feel is totally Texas, wood-paneled with long tables you sit at with other diners. As for the sauce, it's among the best I have ever had. It's not hot, but more sweet and sour. I had the sausage/pork ribs/beef ribs combo, and it really was memorable. Joan was not hungry, so -- despite my warnings that she would get crap from the folks on this email -- she merely ordered a slice of pecan pie. Even that was a huge hit, as she called it the best pecan pie she's ever had, and promptly bought an entire pie. This might be the first day of the trip where both restaurants merited four stars. (4 stars)

Bonus Fred Photo!
 

Fred plays tug of war with the photographer at the Westin Riverwalk.

2003 Flashback: Oklahoma City

In order to move at the clip we feel we need to, sometimes you have to pass on places you'd like to go. On this journey, Oklahoma City is one of those places. We enjoyed our visit there in 2003, especially the stunning Oklahoma City National Memorial. Since the FHMA tour will not pass through OKC this time around, here's an account of our 2003 visit.

FRED TAKES AMERICA: DAY 100 (Nov. 7, 2003)

• Where We Started: Oklahoma City, Okla.
• Where We Ended: Roswell, N.M.
• Miles Driven: 455 (27,750 overall).
• New States Covered: Texas.
• Current Tally: 42 states down, 6 to go.

Cool Site of the Day
We started the 100th day of this trip with a visit to the Oklahoma City National Memorial. The poignancy of this experience is difficult impossible to put into words, or communicate with pictures. Joan and I both felt this was one of the most memorable stops of the trip.

The outside portion of the memorial includes a reflecting pool, which is anchored by arches at both ends and a lone elm tree that survived the blast. But the stunning part resides on the site of the former Murrah Building: an open field with 168 empty chairs, representing each of the victims of the 1995 bombing. There are 19 smaller chairs to account for the children that died.

In addition to the memorial, there is an incredibly moving museum that we spent hours in. As you enter, the museum describes a typical, sleepy Oklahoma City morning, it slowly builds to the bombing itself -- which you hear caught on an audiotape of a meeting of the local water board -- and tells the stories of heroism and tragedy that marked that day. The museum also covers the investigation and arrest of the perpetrators, plus the history of the memorial itself. It closes with another affecting exhibit "A Shared Experience: 4.19.95 - 9.11.01," which discusses how the 9/11 attacks impacted those involved in the Oklahoma City bombing, and also honors the local victims of the 9/11 attacks. The whole experience was emotional and incredibly moving.

Some of the empty chairs at the Oklahoma City Memorial. Note the smaller chair in the middle.

 
One lone chair with a teddy bear on the seat.

The West Gate entrance looms over the reflecting pool.

Another shot of the West Gate.

The Day's Other Highlights
-- After leaving Fred in the car for a long time while we were at the memorial, we felt bad and decided to give him some off-leash time at Red Rock Canyon State Park in Hinton, Okla. Now, according to park rules, we were not allowed to have him off his leash, but we decided we would find a secluded part of the park and let him run anyway. So we drive through the park, and spot an empty field right off the main road. Now, the park was not completely empty, but there were certainly not many people there. So as we park the car, we notice a red car doing a U-turn and heading back down the main road toward us. But, as we had just made the same U-turn, we were not concerned.

So we get out of the car and wander out into the field, and we notice the red car has now pulled into the same lot we're in and is parked. Then, two guys emerge from the car, and they are EXACTLY the kind of guys you don't want to see when you're in a secluded part of a secluded park: mid-20s, long hair, dressed like hoodlums, heavily tattooed and earinged, etc. So they start walking right toward us. As they are between us and our car, we start to fear we might be about to be mugged.

As they get closer, Joan and I take totally different tacts: She says a cheerful "hello" to them, and they mumble back a "hello." I am watching them closely while keeping one hand tucked into my jacket pocket in the hopes they might think I have something in there more dangerous than my wallet and a Bic pen. When they finally reach us, they keep moving past, but keep shooting glances back at us.

With these two guys no longer between us and our car, we make a steady -- but not panicky -- return to the car, and we get in and take off. As we leave, we see the two guys standing on the fringe of the woods at the far end of the field, still looking back at us.

So what was their intent? Joan and I both feel like it was probably 40 percent likely they were actually planning anything nefarious, and 60 percent likely they had some other reason for being there, i.e. getting high, closing a drug deal, etc.) There was 0 percent chance there were there for a book group meeting. Whatever their intent, we decided not to wait to find out.

-- Farther down I-40, we stopped the Route 66 Museum in Clinton, Okla. Considered the best of many similar establishments, it was neat, with lots of old cars, road signs and other artifacts from the heyday of Route 66, i.e. "America's Mother Road." The road no longer exists in any formal way, having been bypassed by new interstates and bypasses, but is charted out -- turn-by-turn -- in many books, should you ever want to hit the whole thing.

-- We entered Texas for the first time on the trip in the early evening, entering the Panhandle near Shamrock. Two quick signs that we are truly in Texas: 1) on the radio, we hear traffic reports for high school football games; 2) about 20 miles into Texas, we see a red-and-blue glow way out in the distance. We wonder aloud whether this is an airport or a mall or maybe even a high school football stadium. The answer: it's a huge rest stop, backlit with the state colors and the lone star. It is true, apparently everything is bigger in Texas. In case we have any doubts about this, we later see a 150-foot-high cross mounted by the side of the road in Groom, Tex.

The world's most expensive rest stop lighting infrastructure, near Shamrock, Tex.

-- Sadly, our evening arrival into Texas costs us one stop on the tour of American kitsch, as it's too dark to see the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, Tex. The site features 10 old Cadillacs half-buried in the dirt and marked up with all sorts of graffiti. But it is not lit, we discovered, so we can only see the shadows. We would feel bad about this, but having seen Carhenge in Nebraska, we feel like we are already experts in car art.

-- As we checked out of the Westin Oklahoma City, a curious Joan finally asks what exactly our upgrade had been, since our room there was pretty small, had no minibar and nothing else that would seem to suggest an upgrade. The answer: "Oh, didn't you see the Westin-branded water bottle in your room? That's the upgrade." Oh. Thanks. I think.

Interesting Passthroughts
-- Texico, N.M. Yes, there is a Texaco there, which thereby makes it the Texico Texaco.

Meal Ratings
-- Lunch: Markie's Deli, Oklahoma City, Okla.: Already way behind schedule getting out of the city, we stop for a quick bite as this deli across the street from the Memorial, and it's terrific. Joan gets lettuce wraps, and I have a turkey sandwich and potato soup. (3.5 stars).
-- Dinner: Big Texan Steak Ranch, Amarillo, Tex.: This restaurant is known nation-wide -- and in fact, was featured on A1 of The Washington Post a few months back -- for its 72-ounce steak challenge: if you can eat the entire steak, sides and dessert in one hour, it's free. Now, as all of you know from the FTA series, I am no shrinking violet when it comes to eating. But there was no way in hell I was gonna try this was a four-hour drive still ahead. The restaurant actually has an elevated platform and a clock for anyone who tries. Sadly, no one tried during our time there, probably because the restaurant was only half full because it was high school football night. Nonetheless, our puny steaks -- Joan's 7-ouncer and my 12-ouncer -- were excellent, and the place itself is full of charm, with the wandering musicians and the very Texas feel. (3.5 stars)

Hotel Rating
-- Best Western Sally Port Inn & Suites, Roswell, N.M.: We pulled into Roswell at about midnight -- after gaining an hour by entering Mountain time -- so we were pretty wiped out. But we got a great room here, a suite with two TVs that was totally clean. How we got upgraded to a suite is a story in itself. In her always exhaustive quest to make sure we get the best rate possible, Joan had been told that there was a manager's special, but that she would have to actually speak to hotel manager Kyle to get the rate. Sadly, she was unable to reach the elusive Kyle, and by the time she gave up, there were no regular king-size-bed rooms in the place. Joan, not thrilled by this development, then manages to get us a big suite for less than the regular king. She rules. (3 stars)

Travel Quote of the Day
"Many of the best travel writers are odd ducks."
       -- Edward Hoaglund

Bonus Fred Photo!

Fred poses with the big ol' steer that guards the front of the Big Texan Steak Ranch. It took Fred a while to get used to the steer; as he barked at it for about 10 minutes before we could get this shot.

Flashback: Memphis, 2003

Since we used Memphis as a place to recharge the batteries instead of doing a lot of sightseeing, I thought it would make sense to re-publish our 2003 account of our time in Memphis. Short version: We highly recommend it.

FRED TAKES AMERICA: DAY 99

• Where We Started: Memphis, Tenn.
• Where We Ended: Oklahoma City, Okla.
• Miles Driven: 650 (27,295 overall).
• New States Covered: Arkansas, Oklahoma.
• Current Tally: 41 states down, 7 to go.

Cool Site of the Day
Memphis. One of the things I have really enjoyed about this trip is the constant changes of course in terms of what we're seeing. From historical sites to national parks to big balls of twine, we have always managed to keep things interesting by not getting into any kind of rut. But there will never be a day where we see two more different places than the gaudy home where one king lived and the somber site where another King died.

We started the day at Graceland, which can only be described as a uniquely American experience. The house itself is so full of garish colors, mirrors and furry things that -- even in the '70s -- it just had to have been considered ugly. You have to park on one side of Elvis Presley Boulevard, and then take a shuttle bus across the street. No one is allowed upstairs to the private quarters, which was disappointing, but after seeing 10-12 rooms, you almost feel lucky not to have seen the bedrooms. One can only imagine...

The front of Graceland. This very tasteful exterior provides no clue as to what you're walking into.

I could not take pictures in all the rooms, since flash photography was not allowed, but here's the living room. Seriously, this is the least whacked-out place in the joint.

The grave sites of Elvis, his parents, his grandmother and his stillborn twin are behind the house. The decorations are provided by fans directly and via mail.

We spent about 75 minutes at Graceland, and as we were leaving, we had the biggest shock of the trip. He IS alive!

Joan and Jim meet Elvis.

After leaving the Graceland compound -- and it really is a compound -- we headed downtown for a quick lunch, and then set off for the National Civil Rights Museum, located at the former site of the Lorraine Motel, where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated on Apr. 4, 1968. The motel was actually open for years after the crime, but became a foreclosed property in 1982. But the efforts of some prominent Memphians saved the site, which eventually was turned into this museum.

As for the museum itself, I have to say: it's amazing. It features a wonderful chronological history of the civil rights movement, focusing mostly on post-WWII events. From a real Montgomery city bus from the Rosa Parks era to era-specific lunch counters to dozens of interactive exhibits, it is clearly a place one could spend a full day. The most affecting experience in the museum is looking into the actual hotel room where MLK spent his final moments. The room has been recreated to look exactly as it did that day. You can also walk across the street to tour the area where the shots came from. Interestingly, the museum has a very detailed display that raises questions about whether James Earl Ray actually committed the crime. While the museum endorses no specific answer, you do leave with some serious questions.

Sadly, there are no photographs allowed inside the museum, so I had to settle for exterior shots, and I even screwed that up, as the pictures of MLK's room and the wreath that has been outside it since 1968 did not come out.

The National Civil Rights Museum. On the right is the edge of the preserved Lorraine Motel.

A wider shot showing the motel. The museum entrance is on the far left. The part of the balcony where MLK was standing when he was shot is right above the old cars are parked.

We finally left Memphis a little short of 5pm, about three hours later than we had hoped, leaving us with a seven-hour drive through Arkansas to Oklahoma City. Determined to stay on schedule, we made it to the hotel at about 1am, after making a quick stop to see the Oklahoma City Memorial at night. Stunning.

The Day's Other "Highlights"

• I got many very interesting responses to my query about the relevance of one Joyce Kilmer yesterday. Many people found it stunning that I was not able to identify the aforementioned Kilmer as the author of the famous poem "Trees." But what I found even more interesting was that many of those same people did not know the most surprising thing I learned about the poet: "she" was a GUY! Born Alfred Joyce Kilmer, he decided -- for reasons I will never understand -- not to use his given name, instead choosing Joyce. Sadly, he died in WW1, at the young age of 32. Here's a site about Kilmer, put together by his great granddaughter. This revelation, though, provided great joy for Joan, since I have been giving her grief for believing Billie Holliday was a man. The good news, now if we ever find ourselves at a seance with with Billie Holliday and Joyce Kilmer, we will not embarrass ourselves.
• Yes, one more rest stop item: I made some light of Isaac Hayes having a stop named after him. I mean, he scores big points for playing Chef on "South Park," but it seemed like he might be a step down from the Al Greens and Patsy Clines of the world. But, as Matthew Greenberg points out, Isaac "was part of the studio band and songwriting stable at Stax Records, a Memphis soul institution in the '60s and early '70s. Before he became a soul star in his own right, Isaac Hayes, along with David Porter most notably, churned out soul classics. Think of every great '60s soul song you can -- Hayes probably wrote at least a third of them."
• OK, we have an admission to make: That's not really Elvis in the picture above. Everyone knows you have to go to Kalamazoo, Mich., to find a real, live Elvis. At Graceland, they simply take your picture against a clear background and then PhotoShop you into the photo. Unfortunately, the woman working the computer was a fill-in, and not all that great.  The great news is she took several pounds off of each of us.  Joan, upon seeing the finished photo exclaimed,  "Hey, thanks! You're making me look like 10 pounds thinner." Whereupon a guy waiting in line says, "Yeah, I noticed that too." Later in the day, Joan is told by the woman at the front desk at the Oklahoma City Westin that she looks tired. On the way up to the room she comments that it's not every day you can be called fat and tired by complete strangers.  She then asked when the trip would be over.
• While I did mention that the Comfort Inn we stayed at in Memphis was in a sketchy part of town, I neglected to mention that, directly next door, was a place called Babes. In case you were not sure, it had the tagline, "The name says it all." Joan wanted me to mention that this also impacted the hotel rating. I agreed, but cleverly managed to avoid weighing in on whether this was a positive or a negative. She still has not asked me why I had no $1 bills in wallet Thursday morning.
• Per my comment about my surprise at the Grand Ole Opry being in a mall outside of town, I did neglect to mention that that is a relatively new location, and that it used to be at the Ryman Theatre, about a block or two from the Broadway strip in Nashville. So it used to be right downtown. I am sure money forced the move, but it does seem wrong for a place with such an amazing tradition to be moved to such an antiseptic place. Oh well.
• Last, but not least... I mocked songwriter Andrew Gold in yesterday's mail because it seemed odd his lyrics were getting the same pub as much more famous acts in the song lyrics displays at the Nashville Loews. Turns out that Mr. Gold is less obscure than I thought. Someone who gets this email actually knows Mr. Gold.  Now, this is not the first time this has happened. Last month, we stayed in the Tyrone Power Room at a Best Western in Lone Pine, Calif., and I wondered aloud why we did not get into a cooler room like the John Wayne Suite. Turns out someone else on this mail is related to Tyrone Power.  I have decided it is either a very small world or I have a very large distro list.

Meal Ratings

• Lunch: Rendezvous Cafe, Memphis, Tenn.: Turns out the place did not officially open until 4pm, but in an experience that typified Memphis, they still let us in, as long as we ate the ribs, since that's all they had made. But, hey, that's why we were there, so we chowed down a ton of ribs -- which are not BBQ'd, but char-broiled -- and they were fabulous. The service was also great, and the ambiance exactly what you would expect from a hole-in-the-wall type place. When I ordered a Diet Pepsi, the waiter brought back an entire pitcher. Clearly, someone must have called to tell them I was coming. Then, he came back to the table and politely noted the irony of my huge-slab-of-ribs-and-a-Diet-Pepsi order. I took the opportunity to explain to him that I actually preferred the taste of Diet Pepsi, and that he need not worry; I am clearly not attempting to convince anyone I am on a diet right now. (3.5 stars).
• Dinner: Feltner's Whataburger, Russellville, Ark.: This was one of three times our feet hit the ground in Arkansas -- the other two were potty breaks -- and it was worth it. Great fries, juicy burgers and very thick shakes made for a enjoying, life-shortening meal for me, while Joan was satisfied but not blown away by her corn dog. (3 stars)

Hotel Rating

• Westin Oklahoma City, Oklahoma City, Okla.: This was the least impressive Westin we have stayed at on this trip, After arriving at 1am, the lack of a minibar was an issue, and the room was kind of small and generic. The woman at the front desk "upgraded" us to a special floor for Starwood Gold members, leaving us to wonder whether 1) we had been conned or 2) there were actually rooms worse than the one we had. (2 stars)

Travel Quote of the Day
"Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!"
       -- Steve Martin, during one of my favorite movies scenes ever, in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels."

Bonus Fred Photos!

Instead of looking straight ahead, Fred admires the Great Mississippi on the Riverwalk in Memphis. Could be he was pissed off after spending most of the day in the car.

2003 Flashback: Fun With Interstates

Every so often during this trip, we'll post something from the 2003 trip that's either funny, informative or just interesting. I got a lot of feedback about this interstate information back then, so here is again. This is from when we were in New Mexico, and had just encountered U.S. Route 666.

You hear lots about Route 66, but not much about Route 666. That's too bad, because there's a great story behind the latter. Because of the rigid structure regarding the numbering of federal highways, spurs of major interstates and U.S. highways always carry the base number of the main road, i.e. I-495 in Washington and I-695 in Baltimore are spurs of I-95. Thus, when spurs of the old U.S.-66 were created, the sixth one of those was U.S.-666, created in 1926. This being the number of the beast, this of course created a lot of issues, especially with the superstitious nature of the Navajo Nation, through which much of the road went through. But despite all the talking, the highway's name remained, despite talk that the number of deaths on the road was unusually high and the fact that some people refused to drive on it altogether.

Finally, just this year, on July 1, U.S.-666 officially was changed to U.S.-491, since the road could also be construed as a spur of U.S.-91. For the whole story, here's a dry-but-interesting summary.

A few other interesting things you might not know about the U.S. highway system:

-- All interstates and U.S. routes running north-south, i.e. I-95, U.S.-1, etc., end with an odd number.
-- All interstates and U.S. routes running east-west, i.e. I-10, U.S.-40, etc., end with an even number.
-- All one-or-two digit interstate names, i.e. I-95, I-10, etc., are only used once.
-- All three-digit road names, i.e. I-495, I-110, etc., can be used in multiple places, since they are merely spurs. Thus, there's an I-495 in New York (Long Island Expressway), one in Washington (the Beltway) and one in Philadelphia, etc.
-- When you are unsure which side of the road an exit is on, look at which side of the sign the exit number is oriented. If there's an exit number oriented to the left of the sign, it's a left exit. If the exit number sign is oriented right, it's a right exit. I checked, and it works. Can save you an unpleasant merge. Here's an example: The small "Exit 11" sign is oriented to the right of the larger sign. Thus, a right exit.

2003 Flashback: Fred Takes America, by the Numbers

While we pack up to try and hit the road, here's another look back at the 2003 trip, this one by the numbers.

GENERAL STATS
Number of…

• Countries: 3 (United States, Canada, Mexico)
• U.S. states: 48 (all except Alaska, Hawaii)
• U.S. territories: 1 (District of Columbia)
• Canadian provinces: 4 (Quebec, Ontario, British Columbia, Alberta)
• Mexican states: 1 (Sonora)
• State capitals: 29
• Top 50 metropolitan areas we passed through: 39 (Ones we missed: El Paso, Tex.; Fresno, Calif.; Honolulu, Hawaii; Indianapolis, Ind.;  Jacksonville, Fla.; Miami, Fla.; Omaha, Neb.; Philadelphia, Pa.; Tulsa, Okla.; Virginia Beach, Va.; Wichita, Kan.)
• Roadfood restaurants: 29 (out of 484 in book)
• National Geographic scenic drives: 66 (out of 213 in book)
• Presidential libraries: 5 (Reagan, Nixon, Truman, Eisenhower, Johnson)
• Ferry rides: 7 (Orient Point, N.Y. to New London, Ct.; Burlington, Vt. To Port Kent, N.Y.; Mackinac City, Mich. To Mackinac Island, Mich. (round-trip); Mukilteo, Wash. To Clinton, Wash.; Vancouver, B.C. to Sidney, B.C.; Victoria, B.C. to Port Angeles, Calif.)
• Flat tires: 2 (Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming; Truth or Consequences, N.M.)

• Big balls of twine: 2 (Darwin, Minn.; Cawker City, Kan.)
• Paul Bunyan statues: 2 (Bemidji, Minn.; Klamath, Calif.)
• Geographical centers: 3 (of North America: Rugby, N.D.; of the 50 states: Castle Rock, S.D.; of the 48 states: Lebanon, Kan.)
• Speeding tickets: 2 (Jim in Oregon, Jim in Virginia)
• Speeding warnings: 1 (Joan in Utah)
• Border crossings: 10 (Day 6: Moose River, Maine to St. Theophile, Quebec; Day 9: Philipsburg, Quebec to Highgate Springs, Vermont; Day 11: Alexandria Bay, N.Y. to Lansdowne, Ontario; Day 13: Niagara Falls, Ontario to Niagara Falls, N.Y.; Day 40: Eastport, Idaho to Kingsgate, British Columbia; Day 43: Carway, Alberta to Babb, Montana; Day 50: Blaine, Wash. To White Rock, British Columbia; Day 51: Victoria, British Columbia to Port Angeles, Wash.; Day 81: Nogales, Ariz. To Nogales, Sonora; Day 81: Nogales, Sonora to Nogales, Ariz.)
• Car servicing stops: 6 (Day 15: Fort Wayne, Indiana; Day 35: West Yellowstone, Mont.; Day 37: Boise, Idaho; Day 73: Las Vegas; Day 94: Chantilly, Va.; Day 104: Albuquerque, N.M.)
• Fred vet visits: 4 (Estes Park, Colo.: torn paw pad; Boise, Idaho: spider bite; Great Falls, Va.: general checkup; Great Falls, Va.: swollen eye gland)

NATIONAL PARK SITES (57)

• U.S. Parks: 23 (Grand Canyon, Saguaro, Petrified Forest, Death Valley, Joshua Tree, Redwood, Yosemite, Rocky Mountain, Yellowstone, Acadia, Glacier, Carlsbad Caverns, Great Smoky Mountains, Theodore Roosevelt, Badlands, Wind Cave, Arches, Bryce Canyon, Canyonlands, Zion, Mount Rainier, Olympic, Grand Teton)
• Canadian Parks: 4 (Kootenay, Banff, Jasper, Yoho)

• National Historic Sites: 2 (Abraham Lincoln Birthplace, Harry S Truman)
• National Recreation Areas: 3 (Glen Canyon, Lake Mead, Golden Gate)
• National Scenic Byways: 2 (Natchez Trace Parkway, Blue Ridge Parkway)
• National Monuments: 9 (Wupatki, Sunset Crater Volcano, Montezuma Castle, Craters of the Moon, Jefferson National Expansion, Agate Fossil Beds, White Sands, Cedar Breaks, Devils Tower)
• National Historical Parks: 2 (Tumacacori, Lyndon B. Johnson)
• National Historical Trails: 5 (Selma-to-Montgomery, Lewis & Clark, Oregon Trail, Santa Fe Trail, Appalachian Trail)
• National Seashores: 1 (Point Reyes)
• National Memorials: 3 (Oklahoma City, Flight 93, Mount Rushmore)
• Memorial Parkways: 1 (John D. Rockefeller Jr.)
• Others: 2 (Alcatraz Island, Great Falls Park)

NIGHTS SPENT IN STATES

• 19: California
• 9: Arizona
• 6: Texas, Virginia, Colorado
• 5: Utah, Idaho
• 4: Wyoming, Montana, New Mexico
• 3: New York, New Hampshire, Quebec, Michigan, Alberta, South Dakota, Washington, Oregon
• 2: Ontario, Ohio, Minnesota, Nevada, Tennessee
• 1: Maine, Illinois, Wisconsin, North Dakota, British Columbia, Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama
• 0: Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, Vermont, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Indiana, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Nebraska, Iowa, Arkansas, West Virginia
• NOTE: Number adds to 115 because we did not sleep anywhere the last night

HIGHS AND LOWS

• Highest point reached: 14,110 feet above sea level at Pikes Peak, Colorado Springs, Colo.

• Lowest point reached: 282 feet below sea level at Death Valley National Park, California

• Highest temperature: 110 at Death Valley National Park, California
• Lowest temperature: 17 at Vail, Colo.

• Farthest point north reached: Jasper, British Columbia
• Farthest point west reached: Loleta, Calif.
• Farthest point south reached: Raceland, La.
• Farthest point east reached: Acadia National Park, Maine

 

• Most miles, between sleep (insanity category): 1,403 (Day 116: Montgomery, Ala. To Destin, Fla. To Great Falls, Va.)
• Most miles, one day: 771 (Day 31, Casper, Wyo. To Devils Tower, Wyo. To Billings, Mont.)

LEFT TO DO

• Top 50 cities neither of us have ever been to: El Paso, Tex. (No. 23); Fresno, Calif. (37); Tulsa, Okla. (43); Wichita, Kan. (50).
• States we have never been to: 1 (Alaska)

2003 Flashback: Best & Worsts

This was our best-of list from the 2003 trip:

BEST RESTAURANT MEALS (SIT-DOWN CATEGORY)
In no particular order

• Million Dollar Cowboy Bar, Jackson, Wyo.: Great steak, and amazing huckleberry brie. Scores extra points for being the place where I discovered Fat Tire beer.
• Japengo, LaJolla, Calif.: We had absolutely incredible sushi at this place, which had won San Diego’s Best Sushi award like eight years running. It deserves the awards..
• Ramsi’s Café on the World, Louisville, Ky.: This was one of our best accidental discoveries of the trip, as our intended destination was closed. It had a great range of ethnic foods, and all were delicious.
• Restaurant Louis Hebert, Quebec City, Quebec: Despite a standard-issue snotty French waiter, the food was undeniably excellent.
• Salmon River Burger & Brew, Stanley, Idaho: This place, which made creative gourmet burgers, was only discovered after a tour bus of 60 senior citizens beat us to our intended destination. We’re glad they did.
• Loveless Café, Nashville, Tenn.: One of the South’s great restaurants, the Loveless has amazing Southern-tinged food, a perfect down-home atmosphere and service with a smile. The blackberry preserves were one of the single best things we ate on the trip.
• Chuy’s, Austin, Tex.: The best Tex-Mex we had on the trip, this is the place where the Bush girls got busted for underage drinking. I could have been busted for over-the-top eating.
• The Salt Lick, Driftwood, Tex.: Generally considered one of the finest BBQ places in America, this place lived up to its rep. Joan liked the pecan pie so much she bought an extra one and carried it onto the plane when she flew home the next day.
• Big Texan Steak Ranch, Amarillo, Tex.: While this place is known more for its 72-ounce challenge – if you can eat a 72-ounce steak plus sides in one hour, it’s free – we were pleasantly surprised by the quality of a regular-sized steaks and the classic Texas atmosphere. We did not take the steak challenge, thus allowing us to survive the remainder of the trip.
• Samoa Cookhouse, Samoa, Calif.: One of the last true cookhouses in America – featuring long tables and a fixed menu for local lumber workers – this was another place that combined a great food and great atmosphere.

BEST RESTAURANT MEALS (TAKE-OUT CATEGORY)
In no particular order

• Hudson’s Hamburgers, Coeur d’Alene, Idaho: One of the two best burgers we had on the trip, Hudson’s also combined great local color and a secret sauce that was out of this world.
• Pollo Rey, Boise, Idaho: One of the few places we ate at twice, this downtown Mexican joint had fabulous burritos.
• Clam Shack, Kennebunkport, Maine: We ate here so long ago that we both remembered the place as being called the Crab Shack, but alas, we were wrong. But we’re not wrong when we say the lobster rolls we had here might damn well be the best thing we ate the entire trip.
• G&R Tavern, Waldo, Ohio: Ah, the fried bologna sandwich. As thick as a hamburger and topped with melted cheese, this meal was so good we almost decided to cruise through Waldo on our way home as well.
• Peppermint Twist, Delano, Minn.: This was the other great burger of the trip. Joan went for the chili dog, and was similarly impressed. Add in that this was our first stop at a true drive-in on the trip, and this was a classic meal.
• Mo’s Chowder, Newport, Ore.: This chowder, with bits of bacon, was the best we had, and the shrimp salad sandwiches were equally as good.
• The Chieftain Restaurant, Navajo, Ariz.: A complete hole in the wall, this was a desperation stop as we headed into the desert. Instead, we discovered Navajo fry bread – I had a Navajo burger and Joan a Navajo taco.
• Café du Monde/Central Grocery combo, New Orleans, La.: When you get the U.S.’s most famous beignets and muffalettas in the same meal, how can you go wrong?
• The Mountain Restaurant, Lake Louise, Alberta: Another accidental discovery, this was a rarity – a good restaurant inside a national park. I even was feeling lucky enough to order a Korean stew, and it was excellent.
• Ridgewood Barbeque, Bluff City, Tenn.: This place gets an extra boost because it came during a moment of great crankiness on my part, a few hours after my Virginia speeding ticket. After eating this meal, it was all smiles.

WORST MEALS

• A.J.’s Tiki Bar, Destin, Fla.: We have this meal to thank for convincing us it was time to drive all night to get home. Amazingly, every course was worse than the one before.
• Taco Bell, Salina, Kan.: They must have thought we asked for the re-flied beans.
• Ruby’s Canyon Diner, Bryce, Utah: Bad service, bad food, good riddance.
• Arthur Bryant’s, Kansas City, Mo.: The difference between this and a regular fast-food meal was merely a hair, that being the hair Joan found in her food.
• Sonic, Demopolis, Ala.: The food was clearly pulled from under a heat lamp, which was good only because my ass was freezing from sitting in the lemon slush I’d spilled on the seat of my car.

FAVORITE FAST-FOOD CHAINS

• In-N-Out Burger: Couldn’t get enough of this place when we were out West.
• Quizno’s: Two words: toasted bun. Mmmmm.
• Eegee’s: Located only in Tucson, we made two stops here, and fell in love with the lemon Eegee drink.

LEAST FAVORITE FAST-FOOD CHAINS

• Taco Bell: We were already starting to lose faith in TB when Joan found the now-famous fly on her taco. This led to it being the first banned fast-food outlet on the trip.
• Sonic: Two stops, two stomach aches.
• McDonald’s: Yes, believe it or not. Despite Joan’s early obsession with McGriddles, the honeymoon period finally ended, and late in the trip, we finally decided we’d had enough of the golden arches.

FAVORITE HOTELS

• Ritz-Carlton, Cleveland, Ohio: We got upgraded to a great, huge suite because of Fred, and this hotel ranked high on the Fred ass-kissing scale.
• Le Meridien King Edward, Toronto, Ontario: Home of Susan, the best concierge we have ever seen, this hotel was human- and Fred-friendly, and was very nice to boot.
• Loews Le Concorde, Quebec City, Quebec: Any place that is willing to call our beagle “Monsieur Fred” for two days is already ahead of the game. Add in the great view of the city, great location and a sizable room, and it was a big win.
• Westin St. Louis, St. Louis, Mo.: This Westin, right by Busch Stadium downtown, is relatively new. Located in an old warehouse, it is spacious and gorgeous. Our room was big and perfectly logical in its set up. The outlets were near the desk, you could see the TV from the desk, etc. You’d be amazed at the Rube Goldberg setups required at some other hotels to get all our electronics plugged in, etc.
• Coeur d’Alene Resort, Coeur d’ Alene, Idaho: Other than the fact the room had a doorbell that drove Fred insane and the food was only OK, this was a perfect place, located right on Lake Coeur d’Alene and with amazing service. The 80-minute massages were kind of nice too.
• Westin Horton Plaza, San Diego, Calif.: This had everything we like about Westins -- big rooms, great service, excellent food, beautiful lobbies – and lacks the thing we don’t really like about W Hotels – a pseudo-chic clientele that features lots of folks that resemble Dieter from the “Sprockets” skit on Saturday Night Live. Only down side was the hideously ugly fountain out front.

WORST HOTELS

• Town Line Motel, Weirs Beach, N.H.: This was the only place we stayed that had no phone. We might have been willing to overlook this had we not had a bathroom slightly larger than Saddam’s spider hole and a cabin that had a Camp Crystal Lake feel to it. This place was so bad we had to pay for all three nights in advance, and we still decided to leave after one night.
• The Stanley, Estes Park, Colo.: It took me a whole day to figure out this hotel was the inspiration for “The Shining,” which was surprising, considering what an absolute horror this place was. This hotel generated the one question we asked on the trip that we were glad to not have answered: “What exactly caused those brown streaks across our curtains?”
• Best Western El Rancho, Morro Bay, Calif.: Moving from the car the room was a downgrade in both size and quality. I can’t even remember much about this room anymore, other than that it sucked.
• Best Western Hospitality Lane, San Bernardino, Calif.: This featured the skeeviest clientele of any place we saw out west, and the quality of the room did not help. The bright spot (for Joan) was that the wheels on the desk chair were off-kilter and I fell right on my ass while trying to turn around.
• Best Western Ruby’s Inn, Bryce, Utah: This was part of the Ruby-dominated town of Bryce. We had a terrible meal at Ruby’s Canyon Diner and stayed in this fleabag where they had to gall to demand a room check to make sure Fred had not done anything that would have made the room worse. Other than spontaneously combusting, we could not figure out how that possible.
• Comfort Suites, Montgomery, Ala.: Let’s see. We were infested by ants, Joan had a sweatshirt stolen from her and both rooms we stayed in smelled bad.

BEST HOTEL CHAIN (LUXURY CATEGORY)

• Westin

BEST HOTEL CHAIN (NON-LUXURY CATEGORY)

• Comfort Inn

FAVORITE CITIES

• Quebec City
• Vancouver
• San Diego
• Nashville
• Memphis
• San Antonio
• Boise
• Coeur d’Alene

FAVORITE STATES

• Idaho
• South Dakota
• Tennessee

FAVORITE SCENIC DRIVES

• Pikes Peak Highway, Colorado Springs, Colo.
• Beartooth Highway, Montana and Wyoming
• Adirondacks scenic drive, New York
• Icefields Parkway, Banff National Park, Alberta, Canada
• Going-to-the-Sun Road, Glacier National Park, Montana
• Oregon coastline
• Avenue of the Giants, northern California (through the redwoods)

FUNNIEST MOMENTS

• Joan’s face plant on a Montreal sidewalk, broken only by her digital camera.
• Fred’s collision with the passenger side window as he made a dash for prairie dogs in Theodore Roosevelt National Park.
• Joan asks for Ball Balm instead of Bag Balm at a pharmacy in Estes Park, Colo.
• Fred jumping back and forth over Hemingway’s grave in Ketchum, Idaho
• Joan without pants in Topeka.
• Having our car egged in Denton, Tex.

THINGS WE REGRET MISSING

• Crater Lake, Oregon
• Corn Palace, Mitchell, S.D.
• The Gulf Coast, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama
• Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, Michigan
• Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park

… and, finally…

OUR 25 FAVORITE PLACES
25. Bryce Canyon National Park, Bryce, Utah
24. Four Corners, Arizona/New Mexico/Colorado/Utah border
23. Alcatraz, San Francisco
22. Headwaters of the Mississippi, Lake Itasca, Minn.
21. Field of Dreams film site, Dyersville, Iowa
20. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland, Ohio
19. Lake Tahoe, Nevada/California border
18. Flight 93 memorial, Shanksville, Pa.
17. Baseball Hall of Fame, Cooperstown, N.Y.
16. Mackinac Island, Michigan
15. Redwood National Park, northern California
14. Yosemite National Park, near Mariposa, Calif.
13. Grand Teton National Park, Jackson, Wyo.
12. Pikes Peak, Colorado Springs, Colo.
11. Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona
10. Carlsbad Caverns National Park, Carlsbad, N.M.
9. Custer State Park, near Rapid City, S.D.
8. Theodore Roosevelt National Park North Unit, North Dakota.
7. Death Valley National Park, southeastern California
6. Oklahoma City Memorial & Museum, Oklahoma City, Okla.
5. Monument Valley, Utah/Arizona border
4. Banff National Park, Banff, Alberta
3. Yellowstone National Park, northwestern Wyoming
2. White Sands National Monument, near Alamogordo, N.M.
1. Badlands National Park, near Wall, S.D.

BEST UNUSED PHOTO
Why didn’t we use this? Hey, we could not give away the trip’s big secret…

 Yes, that’s right: It was Fred writing these e-mails all along. I just propped him up – literally.